The Pyromaniac Prince of Flames
by SSJKarigan
Summary: One night Lu Xun has a strange dream making him act crazy (and funny .). Can the couple Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao stop him before Wu goes into Chaos? FINISHED! (last chapter is up now in other words)
1. STOP DROP AND ROLL! It all begins!

Hiya everyone! This is my first fanfic on FFNet and my first DW fanfic so please give me a break. and now that I wrote a fanfic I understand why everyone wants a review so bad. So R&R. but most importantly enjoy.  
  
Oh and, I don't even know why I hafta tell this to you people, but for those of you who like suing teenagers who own no more than this stupid dollar *waves it in the air and Lu Xun sets it on fire* ok. teenagers who own nothing. DON'T! Because I don't own Dynasty Warriors, Koei does! Nor do I make any money off of this. you get the point right? So go away! *throws shoe*  
  
** ** =dream sequence  
  
One late night Lu Xun tossed and turned in his restless sleep. He was having the strangest dream he ever thought his over-worked brain could think up for him to have that night. He kicked off his sheets, as things got weirder.  
  
**"Ah!" Lu Xun screamed as he was surrounded by a large ring of fire that was slowly getting thicker and closing in on him. He looked around franticly for something to put it out. wait; he was putting a fire out? Oh well, this was not a good fire!  
  
As he searched he realized that the flames were coming at him and there was nothing he could do about it. He slumped down defeated and waited for his firry death. But then suddenly something hovered over him in the darkened sky. He looked up at the strange looking, flaming creature. The mighty beast opened its mouth and spoke in a big booming voice.  
  
"Lu Xun! I, the mighty Phoenix of the Flame Mountains, the God of all Pyromaniacs, has chosen YOU! You, Lu Xun have shown the true qualities of the Pyromaniac Prince of all Flames! I grant you this power! Take it and rule over what is yours! I bid you farewell, Prince of all Flames!"  
  
The Phoenix started flying away when Lu Xun suddenly shouted, "But what about this fire surrounding me?! You can't just leave me to die here!" The Phoenix stopped and turned around.  
  
"Give me a break, you're the new Prince of all Flames and you can't figure out how to save yourself from this puny ring of fire? Hmph! You should know! I bid you farewell again!"  
  
Lu Xun stood in the middle of the fire and thought, "If I'm the Prince of all Flames..." He smirked then raised his arms and made the shape of a half circle with them. Suddenly the ring of fire turned to a half circle leaving him an exit. He then puffed out his chest proudly and walked out. After being in a safe distance from the fire, he raised his arms again and drew a shape in the air. The flames lifted and took the shape of a crude looking star. He frowned and decided to make a better shape, he drew a heart and smiled happily and the nice result.  
  
Finished goofing off he walked away only to see that he walked right off of a cliff, he began to fall when he suddenly put his arms down and let out a giant flame that, like Goku's power poll, went all the way down to the ground and kept him from falling.**  
  
Back in the real world Lu Xun had fallen out of his bed on the top bunk. Lucky for him, Zhou Yu who slept on the bottom bunk was already up and putting war clothes on and had seen him fall. He ran and caught Lu Xun, before he hit the ground, gently in his arms.  
  
Before Zhou Yu had a chance to set Lu Xun down, Sun Quan opened the door, and would have entered the room, if he had not seen Lu Xun sleeping in Zhou Yu's arms. He stared for a moment, wide eyed and turned to leave the room blushing. Zhou Yu clenched his teeth, "For the love of God, you people are so homophobic!" he yelled. He dropped Lu Xun right on the ground and ran to go explain to Sun Quan before he went and told Xiao Qiao the wrong story.  
  
**Back in the dream Lu Xun's fire pole disappeared and left him falling to the ground again, just as he was about to hit the ground-**  
  
Lu Xun woke up and landed on his back on the hard ground. The hit knocked the wind out of him so he just lay there waiting for his lungs to work again. As he had been told when he was little and fell out of a tree and knocked the wind out of him for the first time, he stayed calm and didn't move too much until he could breath again. As he was able to get air again he took in a deep breath. He got up and started putting on his war clothes. (A/N: I call them war clothes because I lack any other word for them. Heh)  
  
He smiled to himself as he remembered last night; he had tricked himself into believing that the first half of the dream was something that happened for real last night and the falling part was a nightmare about not being able to use his powers. He finished dressing and walked out the door happily.  
  
As he headed to the kitchen to get something to eat before they discussed the plan for today. He grabbed a meat bun, ate it in a few bites, and walked to the planning room. There he saw Zhou Yu sitting next to Xiao Qiao talking to her about something while she giggled and glanced at Sun Quan. But Sun Quan on the other hand was staring at Lu Xun wide-eyed. Lu Xun glared, "Don't stare at the Prince of all Flames like that! I should have the Phoenix of Flame Mountains deal with you!" he shouted gaining EVERYONE'S attention.  
  
"What did you say?" Sun Quan asked glaring.  
  
"I say you should bow down to the Prince of all Flames and beg my forgiveness!" Lu Xun commanded. Sun Quan was about to have the guards take Lu Xun away when Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao ran and grabbed Lu Xun before he could dig himself in a deeper hole of trouble.  
  
Zhou Yu had explained to Xiao Qiao why Sun Quan was staring at him and Lu Xun, and now Zhou Yu felt responsible for Lu Xun's crazy little outburst. Why? Because he had dropped Lu Xun and he may have hit his head and made him a bit crazy.  
  
They dragged him back into his room and locked the door so he couldn't get out, "What's wrong with you?! You know how much trouble you could have gotten in for that?! Don't pull a stunt like that ever again! And what's this crap about Prince of all Flames? We all know you're a pyromaniac but that doesn't make you "Prince of all Flames!" So cut it out!" Zhou Yu scolded. Lu Xun glared at him.  
  
"You can't tell me what to do!" he scowled. Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow and smirked.  
  
"Oh yes I can!" he told him. Lu Xun jumped up and tackled Zhou Yu. Then out of nowhere Lu Xun made a fire and set it on Zhou Yu's arm. Lu Xun laughed maniacally and ran out of the room. As for Zhou Yu, he ran, but not out of the room, around in circles.  
  
"Stop, drop, roll, honey! Stop, drop roll!" Xiao Qiao yelled to Zhou Yu who began doing that immediately. The fire went out and Zhou Yu lay on his back.  
  
"What has gotten into that boy?" he asked quietly to himself. Xiao Qiao bent down next to Zhou Yu and stared at him.  
  
"Just how high did you drop him from?" she half screamed.  
  
"Not that high! Only about 4 or 5 feet, and I know he's had worse!" Zhou Yu defended. He sighed. "We better keep an eye on him before-"  
  
There was then a scream then a crazy laughter filling the building everyone was in. Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao immediately got up and went to get Lu Xun before a 3rd was set on fire. The two rushed down the stairs and found Sun Quan running around with his leg on fire. Xiao Qiao sighed, "STOP, DROP, ROLL!" she shouted. Zhou Yu looked at her confused. Xiao Qiao smiled innocently. Zhou Yu rolled his eyes and they continued looking for Lu Xun. 


	2. SunShangXiang makes a new friend, better...

Sorry for that chapter being short, it seemed longer on word. oh well. That's why I'm putting this chapter up right now. This fic will get a lot funnier later. And as for the romance part, there isn't really much, just a little between Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao. And lately I've been getting better at getting my Q's in there better, I always had trouble typing Q words, but when I hafta type Qiao so often I'm getting used to it! YEY!  
  
And of course I do not own Dynasty Warriors or any of the characters. I also don't get any money for this. I wish I owned Lu Xun. then I'd make him dance. wait, I can already do that in that edit the beginning thing in DW4. BWAHAHAHA!  
  
Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao ran after Lu Xun who was somehow starting fires out of nowhere and setting people to them. They ran around a corner where they saw him standing on a chair waving his arms around and smiling dopily. They looked at him confused and Zhou Yu walked up to him. "Lu. what are you doing?" he asked slowly and cautiously not wanting to be set on fire again.  
  
Lu Xun looked at him like he was crazy. "Can you not see the fire dragon I made?" he asked ceasing his arm waving. Xiao Qiao giggled. He really was going nuts!  
  
Zhou Yu slowly walked up to Lu Xun who was still standing on chair began to wave his arms around again and smiled as he "sent" some fire butterflies somewhere. "Now go find Sun Jian so I can rule the army!" Lu Xun shouted. Zhou Yu rubbed his temples in annoyance. "Look, I know you got clonked in the head pretty hard, but this is insane! AND HOW DID YOU SET ME ON FIRE BEFORE? Now you hafta stop this!" Zhou Yu screamed at Lu Xun. The "Prince" again stopped his arm waving and looked down at Zhou Yu. "I think you're just jealous! You want my powers for yourself, don't you!" Lu Xun accused pointing a finger at Zhou Yu.  
  
"What?! Nononono! I.ab. dah." Zhou Yu stuttered not really saying anything at all. Lu Xun smiled nicely and jumped down from the chair and patted Zhou Yu on the back. "I know my powers are amazing and everyone wants them, but you gotta step in reality and realize that you're just not good enough to be the Prince of all Flames. So why don't you and spaz girl-" That was when Xiao Qiao finally stopped giggling and got a look of PURE SERIOUSNESS. "What. did you. just call me?" Xiao Qiao asked grimly.  
  
"Spaz girl, need I spell it?" Lu Xun taunted with his nose in the air. Steam started coming from the innocent little Xiao Qiao's ears. Zhou Yu tried calming her, "No, he didn't mean it, you're not spazy, you're cute and fun! Yea. NOT spazy!" Zhou Yu tried. If there was one thing Xiao Qiao hated it was being called spazy. In a very grim voice she growled, "Don't touch me!" She slowly walked up to Lu Xun whose nose was still in the air, and looked him right in the eye as best she could.  
  
Lu Xun looked down at her, "Is there a problem?" he asked innocently. Xiao Qiao bit her lip then decided not to hold back anymore. "RARRR!" she screamed as she jump tackled Lu Xun to the ground. "I'LL SHOW YOU SPAZ GIRL!" she growled as she strangled the 17 year old. Even though he was being choked, Lu Xun smirked and did some weird thing and suddenly-  
  
"MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!" Xiao Qiao hollered as she ran around in circles. Zhou Yu gave her an annoyed look and smirked, no caring that Lu Xun got away. "Oh honey, stop, drop, and roll!" Zhou Yu said smoothly. Xiao Qiao responded immediately by rolling around in panic. When she finally stopped, her ponytail was smoking and charred. Zhou Yu bit his thumb trying not to laugh. "Can it!" Xiao Qiao said still angry. Zhou Yu let it all go and started laughing. "Can you say, hypocrite?" Zhou Yu said still laughing at Xiao Qiao. Xiao elbowed him in the ribs and walked away as Zhou Yu doubled over, laughing and crying at the same time.  
  
As for Lu Xun, he was walking around looking for something. or someone. "Where did he go?! He'd be the perfect slave for this kind of thing. just a matter of tricking him." Lu Xun said slyly to himself. Just then there was a loud call, "HE'S OVER THERE! GET HIM!" It was Sun Quan; he had just commanded about 20 guards after Lu Xun. He gulped. No matter, all I hafta do is. Lu Xun turned around and bent down and started doing something. "C'mon, c'mon, light!" he whispered harshly to the match he was trying to set. It finally lighted just as the guards reached for him. He tossed the match at one of the guards who immediately was set on fire (A/N I know that there probably weren't matches back then or that Lu Xun did not invent matches, but hell, lets bend the rules a bit, huh?). "AHH! FIRE FIRE FIRE!" The guard screamed in terror. He ran around like an idiot, and being blinded by his panic, he ran into another guard who was set to fire, who ran around who set the others on fire and so on! Lu Xun was laughing like a maniac at the fools.  
  
Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao suddenly turned the corner to see about 10 giant flames running around in circles. Simultaneously the couple shouted, "STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!" In an instant all of the flames stopped running in circles, dropped to the ground, and rolled around franticly. Since all the flames were put out, there was much smoke floating in the air, giving Lu Xun the chance to stop laughing evilly and run away. "SUCKERS!" he shouted before taking the lead to the soon to be chase.  
  
Sun Quan glared at the useless guards. "Well, what are you waiting for?! GO AFTER HIM!" Sun Quan commanded. All the guards stopped gossiping and ran after the pyromaniac. Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao ran up to Sun Quan who gave Zhou Yu a horrified look. "KNOCK IT OFF! I already explained that to you!" Sun Quan took thought then nodded. "Oh yea. anyway, what the hell is up with Lu Xun?! He's been setting everyone on fire- Xiao. did you know that-" Zhou Yu cut him off, "THAT'S NOT. important, what is important is we catch Lu Xun!" Suddenly there was a big explosion and the cry of Lu Xun. "That's our cue to go!" Xiao Qiao said smiling. And the couple ran off again.  
  
When they reached Lu Xun, he was laying on the ground moaning. They saw Gan Ning standing with a pale face before Lu Xun, "Who gave him those?" he asked in a dazed sounding voice. Zhou Yu shrugged, "We don't even know what those things are!" Xiao Qiao bent over to Lu Xun and searched his pockets for anything. She pulled out the rest of the matches. "These things look like. drum sticks!" she said giddily. Gan Ning rolled his eyes, "I've seen things like these before, and they can start a fire with one stroke on a sandy surface, Lu Xun was talking about them a week or two ago!" Gan Ning informed them. Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao turned to each other, and again they simultaneously spoke, "That explains it! Thanks Gan, see ya!" They grabbed the matches and ran off somewhere.  
  
Lu Xun started to stir and all of Sun Quan's bodyguards grabbed him and dragged him off to the dungeon where he was locked up. They threw him and he landed with a loud thump. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M SPECIAL!" Lu Xun shouted in defense of being thrown in the dungeon. "Special? Define special for me!" Sun Quan taunted Lu Xun. Lu Xun glared and started making weird shapes with his arms again, "EAT FIRE BALL!" he shouted only to be disappointed when he realized that nothing happened. "You're a sorcerer. witch. THING! You're immune! EVIL!" Lu Xun said crossing his two index fingers, "Hex, hex, hex." Lu Xun chanted trying to rid himself of Sun Quan's "evil." Sun Quan rolled his eyes, "Shadup! Explain yourself this instant!" Sun Quan demanded.  
  
But a hand grabbed Sun Quan's shoulder, Sun Quan looked back. "Oh, hello Father, I suppose you've heard of our current nuisance?" Sun Quan asked looking to Lu Xun who was in the cell. Sun Jian looked to Lu Xun and sighed, "Zhou Yu told me about it. We cannot blame him, I suppose, Zhou Yu said something about dropping him and hitting his head, we'll just keep him locked up." Sun Jian declared. "YOU CAN'T KEEP ME IN HERE! You'll regret this! And when I rule China and kick all of your butts, I'll lock you up!" Lu Xun shouted shaking his fist. SunShangXiang walked in and snickered, "This is what has been causing all this trouble?" she questioned curiously. Sun Quan nodded.  
  
SunShangXiang got really close to the bars and poked her head in, "Hey there!" she said in a sweet voice. Lu Xun growled. "Come here, its ok!" she jeered innocently. Lu Xun shyly started moving forward then backed away. "Aww. he's so cute!" SunShangXiang cooed. Lu Xun blushed and smiled. "Its alright, I won't hurt you, come here sweetie!" Lu Xun slowly crawled to the bars and sat down like a dog. SunShangXiang reached in the bars and started petting Lu Xun on the head. Lu Xun purred and SunShangXiang giggled. Sun Jian and Quan stared with creeped out looking faces.  
  
Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao walked in the room and stared. Xiao Qiao ran up to the "cage" and tried to pet Lu Xun too, but he hissed and backed away into the corner. SunShangXiang gave Xiao Qiao a sour look and walked away. "No fair." pouted Xiao Qiao.  
  
That's it for now, but I'd like to take this time to thank the reviewers! Thank you Gingivere the Shadowreave, Dragana, GoTcHinCkPriDe, and blue. And of course Rian Silverleaf because she got me into putting my fics on FFNet in the first place! More reviews please! THANKS! ^.^ 


	3. Enemy camp! Lets play cards !

Ok, time for another exciting chapter of... wait... oh yea! The Pyromaniac Prince of Flames. Now if only I could think of one more P word instead of flames you'd all have a tongue twister! Oh well... anyway, I have a lot of free time ONE WEEK before school starts again... so yea. Hopefully this fic will be done in a week because by the time school comes around again... damn!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters nor do I own Dynasty Warriors all together. Give me a break...  
  
From his corner Lu Xun glared at Xiao Qiao and Zhou Yu. He thought to himself, those are the trouble makers that had me put in here I bet, their butts get kicked FIRST!  
  
Anyway, Sun Jian and Sun Quan were still staring at SunShangXiang for her cute talking and petting with Lu Xun. "What?" she asked confusedly. But Zhou Yu on the other hand was interested in the fact that SSX (A/N That's what I'll call her from now on because I'm a lazy bum!) could actually have Lu Xun trust her. "How did you do that?" he asked. SSX shrugged, "I dunno..." Zhou Yu fell over anime style (A/N I know DW isn't and anime but hell, it works!) along with Xiao Qiao. "WHAT?!" SSX shouted in annoyance.  
  
"Ok, I'll make you guys a deal, just you...." Lu Xun counted how many people there were besides himself, "5! I'll make a deal with just you 5!" Everyone turned their heads to Lu Xun who was acting like a human again. Zhou Yu crossed his arms, "What deal could you make?" he challenged. Lu Xun rubbed his chin in thought, "Er... you guys make one up and I'll see if I like it!" Lu Xun declared smiling. Now everyone fell over. "NO!" They all shouted when they managed to get to their feet. Lu Xun pouted and sat down like a two year old. "Awwww!" SSX cooed again. Sun Quan thwaped her upside the head. "Ow! What was that for?!" SSX demanded after her older brother struck her. Sun Quan just glared and walked out of the room, "You guys can deal with him!" he said as he left.  
  
Zhou Yu sighed, "Ok, "Prince of Flames," we'll make you a deal with you. If you stop acting like a maniac, we'll let you out! Ok?" Lu Xun looked at Zhou Yu distastefully. "Are you calling me a maniac?!" he yelled, "Well can maniacs do... this?" Lu Xun boasted making a shape with his arms, he tried making a star again like in his dream but then frowned and stopped. To him there was a crude looking star, to everyone else, it was some 17 year old weirdo waving his arms around stupidly. Zhou Yu grabbed Lu Xun's arm threw the bars and stopped him, "This is what I'm talking about-"  
  
Then Xiao Qiao frowned, "That was it? That's why we locked him up?" Xiao Qiao questioned. Everyone's eyes turned to her, "Uh... yea!" Sun Jian said like it was the most obvious thing in the world (which it was). Xiao Qiao blushed and kicked a rock. Zhou Yu blinked at looked at her, "Why else would we lock him up?" he asked curiously. "Well... I dunno, if I was gonna lock him up, it'd be because he always wears that funny hat!" Xiao Qiao said quickly, pointing to Lu Xun's hat. "What's wrong with my hat?!" Lu Xun demanded. Everyone's eyes went to Xiao Qiao, "Its' funny looking!" Everyone's eyes switched to Lu Xun, "Is not!" Eyes on Xiao Qiao, "Is TO!" You get the point, "IS NOT!" "IS TO!" This little argument went on just like that for a while before Zhou Yu was no longer amused and stepped in.  
  
"LU XUN, SHUT UP!" Zhou Yu shouted, making Xiao Qiao smile and stick her tongue out at Lu Xun, "And sweetie, will you please SHUT YOUR TRAP?!" That put her smile away and they both gave Zhou Yu a sour look. "All right, nobody cares if Lu Xun's hat is funny or not-" Xiao Qiao interrupted her husband, "I do!" she said raising her hand. "So do I!" added Lu Xun. Zhou Yu rubbed his temples in annoyance. "Sun Jian, do YOU care?" Zhou Yu asked giving Sun Jian a look that meant, "Say no or I'll beat you with your own arm, cook it, then feed it to the wolves!" Sun Jian found interest in his shoes, "Yes..." he said innocently. Zhou Yu slapped his forehead and mumbled, "This is useless!" he walked of the room and when he was just about out, and in a defeated voice he said, "Carry on..."  
  
The bickering continued quickly and Sun Jian watched happily pulling some popcorn out of nowhere. As Zhou Yu left the dungeon room, he could still hear his wife and pyro boy bickering, so he close the dungeon door behind him and made sure it wasn't locked; memories of the time he got stuck locked in there with Gan Ning came back to him. He shuddered. "He was so annoying!" Zhou Yu said quietly.  
  
Just then a scout came running up to Zhou Yu with urgent news. "Master Zhou Yu! Have you seen Lord Sun Jian? I have urgent news! An enemy camp is set up not to far from here, they're planning an attack! We must get ready for battle!" The scout said very antsy. Zhou Yu nodded and decided to bring those words straight to Sun Jian himself. He burst threw the door of the dungeon where he saw-"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING!?" Zhou Yu shouted. "Duh, we're playing cards!" Xiao Qiao said not looking away from her cards. "Bu-But... the scout! Lord Sun Jian there are-" Sun Jian waved his free hand in assurance, "Whatever it is, I'll deal with later, speaking of dealing, Lu, I need 2 more cards!" Sun Jian said calmly. Zhou Yu's mouth dropped to the floor, "NO! NO MORE DEALING TIME-" Xiao Qiao had her turn for interrupting, "Now, now, honey, if you wanted to play you just could have asked!" Xiao Qiao said generously. "NOW YOU LISTEN-" Lu Xun was even in this, "Shadup! If you don't wanna play go away! Hey... I made a rhyme!" Lu Xun said happily.  
  
More frustrated than ever Zhou Yu grabbed the cards and threw them out the nearest window! "HEY!" Everyone shouted angrily. "Jeez, Yu! What was that for?" Xiao Qiao questioned disappointed. "THERE IS AN ENEMY CAMP PLANNING TO ATTACK! GET YOUR BUMS MOVING!" Zhou Yu commanded. That immediately got everyone's attention and they all got up. Lu Xun got up and ran into the bars. "Ouch..." he said quietly. Everyone began leaving the room with him still in the dungeon cell. "WAIT! What about... me?" he said, his voice drifting down. Sun Jian peeked his head threw the door, "You can go back to battle when you stop being a psycho!" Sun Jian said all to gleefully. Lu Xun growled and plopped on his bum. "Damnit!" he shouted loudly.  
  
He paced around for a while thinking out loud, "Even if I did get out, they took my magic sticks! If only-" that's when Lu Xun spotted a tiny box that in sloppy handwriting had the words "Magic Sticks" on it. "Fools... they left my magic sticks here! But how will I get out of here?" He thought some more for a little while when finally he felt an itch in his hat. "Arg! Something's always been pokey with this hat!" he yelled in annoyance. He pulled his hat off and searched for what was poking him. There was nothing on his head, but he looked around and saw a small shiny thing in his hat. "Oh, what's this?" Lu Xun said with a smirk. He reached in his hat and pulled out a tiny piece of metal. "I remember why this is here! After I got captured that one day, when I got back I put this in my hat so I could pick the lock to my cell! Good thinking, no wonder I was chosen to be Prince of all Flames!"  
  
Lu Xun reached out of the bars with his lock picker and shoved the tiny metal piece in the lock. After moving it around for some time, he heard a small click and the barred door slowly went open. "Heh, I knew they couldn't keep me here for long! BWAHAHAHA!" Something tickled Lu Xun's nose. It smelt like... "Excellent..." Lu Xun said pulling a Mr. Burns. He ran out the dungeon door and towards the smell of fresh gun powder.  
  
And of course, thank you reviewers:  
  
Chibipearlball: Thanks, and also thanks for telling me that... I was confused! Dragon Child: Yea, crazy=good! Thanks! Blue Viper: I'm glad you think so. Hehehehe! Dragana: Just wait until you see the next chapter! Shannon: ^.^ Thanks!  
  
Now I'm off to my friend's house, she's been gone all stinking summer and just got back! If any of you wanna help me restrain her next summer, please do, I pay good money! ^.^ BWAHAHA! No more vacationing for her...*runs away to write the next chapter* 


	4. Lu Xun's a weakling! Aw I still love 'im...

Ok, finally my internet works again, so I decided since you've all been so patient I'll type that fanfic up right now that it works again. actually I typed this up a while ago, I just couldn't post it ^.^;; Anyhoo, its time for another fun yet confusing episode of The Pyromaniac Prince of Flames! HAZAA!  
  
Disclaimer: I decided to get my friend to type this stupid thing. Carly, could you read this for me?  
  
Carly: What?  
  
Eileen: Read that. don't ask  
  
Carly:....ok then. but if ya don't want me to ask then why did you tell that to me  
  
Eileen: *shifty eyes* Er.  
  
Carly: ya don't know. do you?  
  
Eileen: *smiles stupidly* nope  
  
Carly: Whatever, gimme that paper! *Grabs paper and in monotone says* Eileen does not own Dynasty Warriors 4, nor does she own any of the characters in this fanfic, so leave her alone! How was that?  
  
Eileen: You call that a disclaimer?!  
  
Carly: You wrote it!  
  
Eileen: Oh yea. ON WITH THE STORY!  
  
Carly whispering to the readers: She's psycho like Lu Xun *motions Eileen's a Kuku*  
  
Lu Xun closed the dungeon door behind him and quietly tiptoed across the hallway with his Magic Sticks at hand. He looked around to make sure there were no guards there to make sure he was still locked up. "Hmph, those idiots really are stupid. no guards!" Lu Xun huffed. He decided it was safe for him to walk normally without worrying. He was about to make it to the door when one of his bodyguards suddenly came running.  
  
"There you are Lord Lu Xun! There's a battle going on and I think we should go help!" the little soldier suggested in an exasperated voice. Lu Xun smirked and nodded.  
  
"Yes peasant. I do believe we should. let us go now! And oh, peasant?" Lu Xun said like royally.  
  
The bodyguard quirked an eyebrow but decided to ignore being called a peasant by someone who was younger than him and responded with a mere, "Yes?"  
  
"Can you tell me where all that gunpowder I smell is? I need that for. my next attack, you know, strategy!" Lu Xun stuttered not wanting to blow his plan. The bodyguard scrunched his eyebrows.  
  
"That gunpowder is being saved for drastic measures Sir, I cannot appoint you to it!" he said sternly as he could without getting himself in trouble. Lu Xun growled and tried picking his bodyguard up by his collar, but failed when he realized he was shorter by quite a few inches than his bodyguard. The bodyguard snickered but stopped when Lu Xun shot him a death glare. Since he couldn't lift the bodyguard, he drew one of his blades and put it to the poor bodyguard's neck.  
  
"Tell me where it is, or you won't live to see what I mean to do with it!" Lu Xun ordered looking not angry, but displeased.  
  
With wide eyes the bodyguard nodded only slightly so he wouldn't be cut and stuttered, "I-I'll gladly sh-sh-show you!" With that Lu Xun smirked and followed the terrified bodyguard. He led him no more than a few yards to a room with a few kegs. Lu Xun cracked his knuckles as he walked up to one of the smaller kegs. He bent down and wrapped his arms around the keg and attempted to lift it.  
  
"Arg! Stu.pid. KEG!" Lu Xun let out in between breaths. The keg finally began to budge off the ground. It went about 2 centimeters when Lu Xun lost his grip and the keg slid from his sweaty hands. "AHHHH!" Lu Xun screamed as he was flung back a foot or two because of the sudden lack of force. He landed on his back and lay there looking at the ceiling with his head spinning. "Ow. damn heaviness!" he shouted in annoyance.  
  
He got up and decided that he would try it again. He brushed his hands on his pants and took a deep breath. "Ok. here we go," he said quietly as the bodyguard watched. With one more breath, Lu Xun lunged himself at the keg and wrapped his 17 year old arms around the keg for a second time. With all of his might he managed to get the keg a good foot off of the ground. The massive weight caused him to get a bit off balance and he took a few steps back. Still trying to obtain the weight he leaned forwards a bit to gain balance only to get more off balance. He took a few quicker steps forward and almost ran into the wall but got himself to go back again. This time the weight beat the poor Lu Xun and he began falling backwards.  
  
The bodyguard looked on in horror as the keg started overpowering Lu Xun. The "prince" struggled to get himself back in balance but it was already too late. He fell with the falling right on him. He made the same face Sammy hobbit (A/N: That's my pet name for Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Isn't it cute?) did when he was about to be squished by that cave troll's foot; only Lu wasn't so lucky like Sammy. The keg fell right on his pretty face and SQUISHED him.  
  
The bodyguard opened his eyes and saw Lu's limbs sticking out from the keg. The bodyguard slowly walked over to Lu Xun and pulled a stick out of nowhere and began poking him. "Hey. hey! Are you alive!" he asked like Lu Xun was road kill. Then a growling noise came from the keg and the bodyguard backed away and made an eeping noise. "Lord. Lord Lu Xun?" he asked wearily.  
  
Suddenly the keg shot up and flew into the wall and shattered into a million pieces causing gunpowder to fly everywhere. BG (A/N BodyGuard? Now you're getting it!) was sitting in a corner covering his head whimpering. Lu Xun on the other hand was lying on the ground covered in gunpowder with hunks of wood and whatnot sticking in his clothes and hat. He growled as he sat up to see he now looked like a ghost. "YOU! BG! You go pick up one of the kegs!" he demanded pointing a finger at BG. BG looked around then looked back at Lu Xun.  
  
"Me?" he mouthed pointing to his face.  
  
"OF COURSE YOU! WHAT OTHER BG'S ARE THERE?!" Lu Xun yelled in annoyance. (A/N: As for the BG thing, it is his name. just so you know) He got up and dusted himself off and leaned against the wall. "You heard me!" Lu Xun said in much the same fashion as moms do with their children. BG raised an eyebrow and sighed. No getting out of it, so why struggle? BG walked up to one of the *non-broken* kegs. He took a deep breath ready to lift one of the heaviest things he thought he'd ever lift. If Lu couldn't do it, how could a weak little bodyguard like him? He rubbed his hands together and got a good grip on the keg. With all of his might he lifted the keg only to realize that it didn't weigh much at all. probably no more than 50lbs!  
  
Seeing the sour look Lu Xun got, BG tried acting like the keg was heavy. "Oh, agony! I can barely muster the weight! I'll probably faint!" BG tried acting, but he only looked like he was mocking Lu Xun. Now the fire was in Lu Xun's eyes and the smoke was coming from his ears. "No Lord Lu Xun. it. it really is heavy! I swear!" BG pleaded. Lu Xun did his famous knuckle- cracking pose as he slowly walked up to BG.  
  
"Get ready to feel the wrath of the Prince of all Flames, peasant!" Lu Xun said pulling out his magic sticks laughing sadisticly.  
  
"No! Don't do it, you'll-" BG tried warning Lu Xun that they were in a room packed with gun powder. But it was too late and the match was lit. As soon as the match had the tiniest of flames come up the whole room went BOOM!  
  
Lu Xun and BG went flying right through the one of the walls. They were luckily on the bottom floor so they didn't have a drop any bigger then the height of how high the explosion caused them to fly. They both screamed in both pain and terror as they flew at least 15 to 20 yards onto the lawn of the base.  
  
Meanwhile on the battlefield everyone, including Cao Cao and his army, watched the large explosion of flames. Zhou Yu smacked his forehead. "Ok, which one of you retards told Lu Xun where we hid his fire maker. things?!?" he shouted angrily. Xiao Qiao stepped up.  
  
"We didn't really hide them, remember, we left them right next to the stack of cards." She admitted with her head hanging.  
  
Cao Cao stepped up looking at Zhou Yu confused, not even caring about the battle anymore. "What the hell was that?!" he asked with wide eyes. Zhou Yu glared at him.  
  
"Its none of your business, Hitler!" he shouted in defense. Cao Cao gave smirked.  
  
"Now no need for flattery!" he said sarcastically. Zhou Yu rolled his eyes and grabbed Xiao Qiao's hand and they began running back to the base. The armies watched as the two ran off to their flaming base. Sun Jian sighed, "Can we. finish this some other time?" he asked biting his lower lip. Xiahou Dun snickered with his brother Yuan. Gan Ning glared.  
  
"Just because you don't have teenagers still going threw puberty that are obsessed with fire in your army, doesn't mean you can laugh at us!" he scolded in defense. At this all of the Wei officers laughed. Xiao Qiao suddenly came back panting. "You're all just a bunch of old farts!" she insulted and ran off again. It was Wu's turn to laugh.  
  
Ok, that's today's chapter, I'm sorry if it seems short, they all do and I don't know why. oh well. I'm so glad WOW works again! YEY! Tune in next time! Lu's gonna cause some real trouble in the next chapter! BWHAHAHA.. Yea, its kinda like that! 


	5. Xiao Spankings!

Wouldn't ya know it! I'm back again. After school started again, I lacked the time to write another chapter, but here I am, adding one! I finally was able to get around to it so now I'm going to do it before you all kill me. I only hope that you readers are still there *hears crickets*  
  
Disclaimer: I'm gonna have my current obsession do this for me! BOROMIR! *Boromir comes running *  
  
Boromir: Huh? How the. I. thought- Eileen: You were dead? Naaah, I took care of that, I just need you to read this paper! Boromir: But Wh- Eileen: JUST DO IT! Boromir: Ok, ok! No need to get angry. *grabs the paper * Hmm. what is- Eileen: What did I just say? Boromir: I don't understand why I'm listening to you. but fine! (In a super, fast, annoyed voice) Eileen does not own any of the Dynasty Warriors characters and never will (this was not in the paper) because she's an idiot! Eileen glares. Boromir runs.  
  
Xiao Qiao and Zhou Yu were getting closer and closer to the shards of the place that once was their base, and saw flames everywhere. Little ones, big ones, and the mother one that stood in the middle. Xiao sweat dropped, "He really did it this time, didn't he honey?" she said exasperated.  
  
Zhou Yu clenched his fists, "Yes! He's really gonna get it now!" Zhou Yu ran to the rubble and searched for a certain hat-wearing teenager to take his built up anger out on. He searched about, throwing flaming chunks of whatnot around, hoping to dig up the nuisance. He suddenly gripped onto a. crunchy substance that crumbled beneath his hands. As he lifted it, it fell into ashes and there was a sudden coughing. "Lu? Is that you?" Zhou asked.  
  
Lu Xun's head was visible now that Zhou had removed his crispy hat. He was all black and charred covered. He coughed a few times and opened his eyes in the pile of rubble. "GET ME OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT, PEASANT!" Lu shouted looking around for BG. That was when a strong hand shot out and grabbed him by the hair, lifting him from his hole.  
  
"You little BRAT!" Zhou Yu scolded holding the younger man by his hair at least 2 feet off the ground. Xiao Qiao came running and shrieked.  
  
"HONEY! PUT THAT BOY DOWN RIGHT NOW!" She smacked Zhou in the face and gave him a sour look, "Don't hit the children! Do you want him growing up to be a druggy that has sex with 4 different girls a night?" she shouted.  
  
Zhou Yu frowned and looked at the ground, "I'm sorry." He said apologetically.  
  
"Now you give him to me!" Xiao ordered. Zhou nodded and with his head still hanging, he set Lu Xun down by Xiao Qiao. She smiled at Lu Xun innocently and grabbed his hand. She dragged him a few feet away.  
  
Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow and waited to see what she would do next. She suddenly stopped and gave Lu Xun and evil glare. She then grabbed him, sat on a chair that appeared from nowhere, and had him bending over across her lap. She then proceeded to spank his bottom like an angry mother! Lu Xun screamed in pain like a toddler and tried struggling, but couldn't break Xiao's grip. She spanked him repetitively never stopping while he whined.  
  
"XIAO! I'M SORRY! PLEASE, NO MORE!" he begged. She had a really hard smack. Zhou would have went to help him, but it was too darn funny.  
  
But it didn't stop there, oh no, two whole armies began rushing in to see what happened, both Wu and Wei came to see what the hubbub was all about. Running at full speed, they instantly stopped to watch the spectacle before them. Xiao Qiao sitting on a wooden chair, Lu Xun lying across her lap with a look of agony on his face while she rapidly spanked him angrily.  
  
Cao Cao stood there for a while, just staring at them, quite amused by the situation. But he was fighting this army? THIS ARMY? How pathetic was he to not be able to defeat such morons! Those were the thoughts going through his head. He turned to Sun Ce and raised an eyebrow. Sun Ce narrowed his eyes, "What? I don't see anything wrong with this!" he said turning away, crossing his arms. Cao Cao snorted and walked away calling his army. He wasn't going to disgrace himself by fighting this weak army! They all left and Xiao finally was beginning to tire of spanking poor Lu Xun.  
  
With her tired hands she threw him on the ground and wiped her hands off. "That ought to teach him!" she said walking up to Zhou Yu.  
  
Zhou Yu, now that he was done laughing, glared at her. "Hypocrite." he mumbled walking back to the base to help everyone rebuild it.  
  
Sun Quan crossed his arms and glared down at the guy rubbing his butt. "Well, well, well, I never would have guessed." Sun Quan said sarcastically. Lu Xun looked up at him and stared daggers at the man. Sun Quan lifted Lu Xun by his collar and brought him up to his face, "You better cut this crap out-"  
  
That was when Lu Xun sniffed and gagged, "Dude. ever heard of toothpaste?" Lu Xun mocked.  
  
Sun Quan looked up and thought, "Actually. no, no I haven't." he said truthfully. Lu Xun blinked.  
  
"Really? Wait-WHOOPS! I forgot, they didn't make toothpaste until the future! My bad." Lu Xun apologized, looking at the ground.  
  
"No problem, once I asked my father for a car- Hey! Stop trying to change the subject!" Sun Quan shouted. Lu Xun blinked in thought.  
  
"Naaaw. I think not!" he agreed with himself. He smirked. suddenly Sun Quan felt a burning sensation on his head.  
  
"What the." he looked up and his eyes widened like saucers! "MY HAT THING IS ON FIRE! MY HAT THING IS ON FIRE!" he screamed dropping Lu Xun and running panicked. Lu Xun giggled maniacally then scampered away into the woods.  
  
Zhou Yu looked over at where the screaming was coming from and grabbed a piece of debris and started hitting himself on the face with it. Xiao Qiao looked at him thoughtfully, "Honey, what are you doing?" she asked innocently.  
  
Between whacks, Zhou Yu managed to get out a, "Look behind you." Xiao Qiao did so and growled.  
  
"DAMN-" she was suddenly stopped by a hand that covered her mouth.  
  
She looked up at Zhou Yu who told her sternly, "No! No swearing for innocent little Xiao!" Zhou felt her smile under his hand and they both began running to recapture the fugitive. 


	6. The little girl

Hey, hey, hey! Guess who found time for another chapter! Yep, and for this one I'll try to make it a little longer. It's a boring Sunday morning and I have plenty of time! WEEE! So enjoy.  
  
And today's disclaimer. *Eileen raises her arms up like a conductor. pauses, then starts waving them, a loud booming chorus sings with a musical tune:*  
  
"EILEEN DOES NOT OWN DYNASTY WARRIORS OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS! LEAVE HER ALONE OR WE WILL SING TO YOU FOREVER!"  
  
*Eileen claps*  
  
Lu Xun made his way through the forest, running past tree after tree, jumping over rock after rock. Well actually there was the occasional miss step that caused him to go tumbling down and curse himself for not seeing the rock, but besides that it was pretty graceful. (A/N: Lu Xun is sooooo cute!) He ran for a good. 3 minutes and decided he was far enough into the forest.  
  
He found a fallen log and began to sit down. His rump touched the log and he winced in pain, "Ow, ow, ow, ow! Butt. in. pain!" he said immediately standing back up to rub his sore tooshie! He frowned; Xiao would pay for her spanking the royal prince of flames!  
  
But that was when Lu realized something. "BG..? BG?! Where are you? You were supposed to follow me!" he shouted into nowhere. He threw a rock. it ricocheted off of another rock and came back at him, smacking him in the face. He growled. And began rubbing his face. Then his butt, then his face, then he was rubbing each with each hand.  
  
A little girl outside picking berries not to far away glanced over at the teenager doing a "strange dance." Here eyes widened, that was the one of the creepiest things she ever saw. She slowly walked up to the boy and blinked. Lu didn't even notice her presence. She stood there for a while, gaping at him, then finally started to speak up.  
  
"Hey Mister! What in the name of Wu are you doing?!" she asked bewildered with big eyes. Lu Xun jumped and fell back from surprise, ceasing his butt and face rubbing. The girl giggled and ran up to him. He blinked for a second then shook out of his surprise.  
  
"What do you want, peasant girl?" he asked in a royal fashion, getting up and dusting him self off. The girl stared up at him, she was about seven or eight, she wore raggedy peasant clothes, and had dark brown hair, much the color of Sun Shang Xiang's hair. He eyes were big and brown and she had a smudge of dirt on the left side of her face. She did not answer Lu Xun's question.  
  
"If you're just going to stare at me like I'm some sort of crazy freak, I think I'll be on my leave!" Lu Xun said, still obtaining his snobby accent. The girl giggled again.  
  
"You're stupid!" she said pointing at him, giggling ever more. Lu Xun gave a look of perplexity, which soon turned to anger.  
  
"How dare you say-" Lu Xun started but stopped when the girl began walking around him, examining him. He looked at her as she took in every detail about him, then she stopped and nodded.  
  
Acting professional, she rubbed her chin and mocked his accent and said, "Yes. stupid!" she agreed with herself. Lu Xun's eyebrows scrunched up and he frowned at her.  
  
"Why do you continue to ridicule me?" Lu Xun inquired. The girl looked up at him with a dopey smile.  
  
"Because you're stupid, silly!" she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Lu Xun's face turned red with anger. It was then he picked the girl up like a potato sack and began running again. The girl blinked in shock and decided to accept the free ride.  
  
Not too far behind Lu, our favorite couple was searching the woods for the culprit. "I swear I saw him go this way!" Zhou said baffled.  
  
Xiao smiled, "Yea, I know!" she said perfectly un-budged by the fact that Lu Xun was getting away, out into the public! Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow, but then shrugged it off; Xiao was just. cute that way. So he continued walking and searching for signs of Lu Xun. That was when the two heard a scream. something like "BG!" They glanced at each other and nodded to go find who they heard.  
  
But by the time they reached where he was, there was not sign of him. just some little footprints. and some big ones. Zhou's eyes widened "Do you think-"  
  
Xiao nodded, "He turned into a kid!" she shouted in horror. Zhou Yu fell to the ground anime style.  
  
"NO! Do you think he met up with someone? That would be quite tragic if he were to meet up with a little 7 and a half year old girl with raggedy clothes, dark brown hair about the color of Sun Shang Xiang's, and a dirt smudge on her left cheek!" Zhou Yu stated worriedly.  
  
Heh, silly me, I forgot I had this chapter and I never posted it until now! Looks like you all have an EXTRA chapter to read now because Eileen's a baka! *Rubs back of head* you all could have read this a long time ago but I'm dumb! Anyway, enjoy the next free chapter! 


	7. Good little Lu Xun's pet! She'll be a pr...

Hey hey! Looks like I have returned again. I felt terrible about it taking so long! I just have a lot of other fanfics going on my website. If you wanna see them my website is email me so I can tell you it. (I can't on FFNet) So yea, if you want some more of my fics, you know where to find 'em!  
  
Disclaimer: And today my favorite pirate gets to do my disclaimer for me!  
  
Jack Sparrow: Hey! It's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow! Eileen: Oh.. Sorry! CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow: Thanks, love. Eileen nods and says: I need you to read this. Eileen hands the paper to Jack who looks it over confused. Captain Jack Sparrow: I don't understand, savvy? Eileen looks at Jack: Oh yeaaa. you're a pirate, I can't expect you to know how to read! Here! Eileen leans next to Jack and whispers something in his ear. Jack blinks. Captain Jack Sparrow: Why would I say that? Eileen: Because a few select morons don't understand that you don't need to say it to know that I don't think I own any of the characters or whatever. Jack nods and says: Ok. Eileen does not own Lu Xun. Xia- what was it? Eileen rolls her eyes and whispers names into his ear again and Jack nods and continues. Captain Jack Sparrow: Xiao Qiao, Zhou Yu, or any of the officers of Dynasty Warriors. All she owns is the giggly little girl and a few action figures. She wishes. I'm not gonna say that. Eileen pouts: Fine, be that way! ON WITH THE FIC! Captain Jack Sparrow: Ok, cough up the rum you promised!  
  
The girl giggled more and more as they Lu Xun ran off with her, "Where are we going' mister?" she asked sweetly. Lu Xun was about to respond when one of those dreaded rocks came back to haunt him. He and the girl gasped as the large grayish-black rock went in contact with Lu Xun's foot, sending him and the poor girl flying.  
  
"ACK!" Lu screamed as they landed on the rocky, dirty, stick packed ground. The girl, luckily, fell after Lu did, so she landed on a cushion. a Lu Xun cushion. He oofed and the girl did more giggling. (Note: Doesn't she sound like the most adorable 7-year-old?) "Get off me, peasant!" The girl frowned and crawled off. "I like your outfit, mister!" Lu Xun growled, "You will address me as master, got it?" The girl blinked a few times and nodded, "Ok mis- I mean master!" Lu Xun smiled proudly and patted his new friend on the head. "Good slave!" he praised. She smiled up at him.  
  
"Now, you'll walk on your own!" Lu Xun ordered the girl, causing her to scowl a little. "I hate walking!" she complained. "Tough!" said Lu. Lu Xun looked around for a while as they walked and sighed. He was thinking about something and wasn't sure of it. After debating with his self, he pulled out a small box with "magic sticks," actually a few boxes, and held them out to the girl and told her "I need you to carry these, alright?" he tried being nice to the girl. She stared at the things Lu Xun held out. "What the heck are those?!" she asked raising an eyebrow. "Just a little something, but whatever you do, don't take them from their box!" The girl looked at him for a while then nodded with a smile, "Ok, Master!"  
  
After grabbing the boxes from Lu Xun, she stuffed them in her pocket and patted them, "I did good, right Master?" the innocent little girl asked with a smile. Lu Xun tried not rolling his eyes and said, "Yes, very good, and no matter what, never take them out unless I tell you! Got me?" The little girl nodded with big, gleaming eyes and an ear-to-ear smile. Whoever this guy was, he was interesting and she wanted to see what would happen if she went with him.  
  
They walked for a good half hour or so and the girl was ready to drop. "Mis- I mean MASTER, I'm tiiired! Can we pwease rest?" she begged. Lu Xun looked down at the girl, "Already you have become tired?" he asked baffled. The girl heaved a big sigh, "Yes!" she let out in an exasperated voice. This time Lu Xun did roll his eyes and picked her up, "Fine, we can't rest so I'll just carry you!" he supposed aggravated. The girl looked up at him and held her arms up, "Pick me up! Pick me up!" she repeated, only annoying Lu Xun even more. "Alright, alright! Shut up all ready. You really need to be quiet!"  
  
The girl gave him a quizzical look, "Why?" she asked. Lu Xun didn't answer. "WHY?" She asked a little more loudly and gallingly. He ignored her again. "Why why why why?!?!" she pleaded. Lu Xun snarled. "SHUT-" he was about to yell, only to realize she'd probably just try to be a pest even more. So in a nice tone he told her, "Because we're playing spies! If you don't be quiet the evil wizard will find us and we'll get trapped!" The girl's eyes widened with joy, "Playing? We get to play a game! WEE-" she stopped in mid "wee," "Oh yea. right, quiet!" she whispered with a smile. She pretended to button her lips and smiled again. Lu Xun sighed, if he wasn't in such deep need for a servant, he'd leave her right there in the middle of the forest!  
  
As he carried her, his arms got tired. He was sick of holding her in his arms like that; for a 7-year-old, she sure did seem heavy. Perhaps it was just Lu Xun. but that was beyond the point. He was sick and tired of holding her, so he unexpectedly just- "OW! What was that for you big jerk?!" the girl growled as she was flopped on the ground in the dirt. She rubbed her tooshie. Lu Xun put his hands on his hips, "I was getting tired of carrying you!" he said nonchalantly. The girl glared, "A warning woulda been nice ya know!" Lu Xun shrugged, "Its hard work carrying a chubby little girl for so long!" Flames were in the girl's eyes, "I AM NOT CHUBBY!" she screamed.  
  
Lu Xun covered his ears, "I TOLD YOU BE QUIET!" he yelled at her. He lifted his finger to get his point across and said, "Get that through you're small head, if you don't be quiet they'll find-"  
  
Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao ran up to see a pouting little girl and a pausing 17- year-old in mid-sentence about to say something. Zhou Yu smirked, "You." He finished Lu Xun's sentence. Lu gave him a -.- look and put his finger down. "See what you've done-" The little girl gasped and screamed.  
  
"IT'S THE EVIL WIZARD!" she jumped behind Lu Xun. "Evil wiz-" Lu Xun smirked. "Yes, my little nuisance, it is the EVIL WIZARD!" The girl gasped again, latching onto the back of Lu's shirt. "Now now, child, do you know what to ~do~ with evil wizards?" The girl looked up at him in wonderment. (Lu Xun: I feel special about that line. looked up at ME! *sighs with impression*) Lu Xun nodded, "Yes, it is time!" The girl smirked an evil smirk, the most evil smirk a child her size could muster.  
  
Zhou Yu sweat dropped, "Um. nice girly." he tried reasoning as the girl slowly approached him. Xiao hid behind her Yu-bear and whimpered, "I don't know why we'd be afraid of a little girl, but that face sure is menacing!" Zhou Yu nodded. "If she didn't look so evil, I just might smack her around a little." Xiao Qiao glanced at Zhou Yu, "Now what did I say about hitting children?!" she growled. Zhou's eyes widened, "No Xiao! No! I swear I didn't mean it!" he whimpered as his wife slowly got her spanking hand ready. "Anything but that!" he hollered.  
  
Xiao Qiao went to tackle Zhou Yu and they wrestled on the ground. Lu Xun laughed. The little girl looked up at him with a inquiring face. Lu Xun stopped, "You laugh when your master laughs!" he commanded. She blinked, "Oh. ahahahaha?" she laughed? Lu Xun immediately stopped, "Its not funny! Now go GIT 'EM!" Lu Xun ordered like she was a dog! The girl laughed maniacally and ran after the wrestling couple.  
  
Out came one of the boxes and-  
  
"ZHOU! YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!" Xiao Qiao screamed. Zhou looked up at her, "YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!" he shouted to her. They both panicked and jumped up and ran around in circles. "My hair is on fire! My hair is on fire!" the both shouted in unison. (Note: I couldn't help myself, I've been watching too much Dexter's Lab!) Lu Xun laughed evilly as he watched the two run about in terror, shouting about how their hair was on fire. The girl looked over at it and an evil grin spread across her face. Lu Xun walked up to her and patted her on the shoulder. "You shall become my Princess of Flames in no time!" Lu said smugly. The girl looked up at him and smiled some more.  
  
"Now what do we do, Master?" the girl asked naively. Lu Xun spun on his heel and began walking towards the end of the forest, "We find the other wizards!" he told her like an army. general? Well more like how should I say. he said it like Captain Norrington from Pirates of the Caribbean would say it! Yea. I'm good. But getting back to the story the little girl chased after Lu Xun moaning, "Wait up!"  
  
When she caught up to him she smiled up at him. He smiled back down making her smile widen, then he scowled at her making her frown. He looked away and she dragged on sadly. Then Lu Xun looked back down at her smiling and she'd smile but then he'd look away in disgust. The girl would frown again and then Lu Xun looked down at her again. She looked up questioningly and he'd smile then she'd smile and he turn away again! She raised her eyebrow and looked at the ground saddened. Then again Lu Xun smiled at her and then growled as she smiled! The girl whined a little then looked away. Yes, Lu Xun's smiled down at her and then. well you know!  
  
Finally Lu Xun smiled at her and she backed away slightly, smiled lightly, and Lu Xun picked her up to carry her. Though he was carrying her like a potato sack, she accepted it because heck, it was definitely better than walking on her own! (Note: Ok, that was a bit odd, but I had to put it because as I was typing this, though I'm staying home sick today, I'm not throw-up sick, so I was eating some pumpkin pie. I had my music blasting [since nobody's home ^.^ hee hee] and my dog was sitting on my bed. I was thinking of what to add next when I see Pepper lying there. I spun my chair around and looked at her. Her tail began wagging so then I decided to mess with her a little and spin around. Every time I'd smile or look at her, her tail would wag then stop. Eventually I gave her some pie so I didn't feel bad about teasing her. so yea, that's what inspired me just then, heh!)  
  
Back at the base Sun Quan and Sun Ce, followed by a questioning little sister. "Hey guys, whatcha talking about guys, hey guys! Guys! Are you listening? Guys! Hey!" Sun Shang Xiang whined trying to break into their conversation about the recent problem. They were missing three officers, one of which could be very dangerous outside of a mental institute for the time being. On top of that, their two smart tactic generals where of those 3 generals. Oh, and on top of on top of that, everyone knew the Qiao sisters' father would be furious if he were to find out that his youngest daughter was missing. He didn't even know that she had married that Zhou Yu fellow and that the whole army of Wu was keeping secretes from him! (Note: There's another fanfic I want to write about the Qiao's father. it's just so funny in my head right now! And doesn't it seem like they'd have a very protective father?)  
  
The Sun brothers were trying to think of ways to get Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao from going out on renegades to get Lu Xun back. It wasn't their orders to do so! The punishment for things such as disobeying orders would to be hung at the gallows, but they couldn't afford to lose Zhou Yu and they all knew what would happen if they were to hang Xiao Qiao! Even Lu Xun was a very important officer of their army, so they'd somehow fix his problem then get everything back to normal. But it sure was tempting for Sun Quan to hang Lu Xun, after the entire dilemma he had caused. Yea. he would love to get his hands on that little mischief! It would be a grand time for him to (Note: The description of Lu Xun's passing away on Sun Quan's part is far too graphic and violent for it to even be said on fanfiction.net, for not even the rating of X could cover this! *laughs then stops* You know, with the whole X rating thing that sounds pretty. AW MAN! BAD IMMAGES!)  
  
So as the boys discussed, they ran into a certain SHU general. "What..? What is HE doing here? Who let him in?!" growled Sun Quan who was frustrated enough as it was with the crisis going on. Zhou Yun stopped and got on his knees, "I ask your forgiveness sir, but I have urgent news from Lord Liu Bei!" he began explaining. Sun Ce raised an eyebrow, "What about?" he asked worriedly. If it had anything to do with.  
  
"There is some sort of maniac wearing the garb of your army going around setting things on fire! He has taken one of our villager's children and is on a rampage! We ask for your assistance to rid of him." Sun Ce and Quan both smacked their own faces at the same time. Sun Shang Xiang caught up with the boys again, "Hey guys! HEY!" she whined again, and then paused in front of the handsome Shu General. She smiled politely, "Who's he?" she asked Sun Ce. "That's general Zhou Yun, just shut up and let Sun Quan handle this!" Sun Shang Xiang frowned and crossed her arms. "Uh. we know of this maniac already, his capture will be soon, no need for your army to worry! Now. GO!" Sun Quan said pushing the poor Shu officer out the door. Sun Quan's army had already suffered enough embarrassment against Cao Cao and that was enough.  
  
After closing the door, he leaned against it and sighed, "I sure do hope those two find him quick!" Sun Quan heaved a sigh. Sun Ce looked at him puzzled, "But. I thought we-" "No, brother, they shall find him while we sit back, relax, and pretend like that monkey has nothing to do with us!" Sun Ce opened his mouth to talk, "Ap pa bap!" Sun Quan interrupted him. He tried talking again only to have Sun Quan interrupted him. "BUT-" "Nope!" "I'M OLDER!" Sun Ce pouted.  
  
Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao had finally unset their hair, and their hair was now black charred ashes sitting on their head. Xiao Qiao's eyes began to well up with tears and she was on the verge of a burst of screaming and crying. "Now, now, Xiao-kins, I'm sure we can fix it." Zhou Yu tried raising his arms in assurance. Xiao sort of hiccupped away tears and sat there with rage in her eyes. "Really, Xiao, it looks fine!" Zhou Yu tried to touch it to fix it for her. She smacked his hand away and with utter seriousness said, "Not now, Yu-bear. I have some unfinished business with a certain teenager!" Zhou Yu stared at her. She suddenly smiled and became bright and cheery again and went skipping off to find Lu Xun.  
  
A good chapter, no? I felt bad about not updating for a while so I tried to make this one long! I hope it is actually a bit longer than the others though; I'm kinda stupid and sick right now. Yea, that's my trick behind it, I was sick and stayed home from school today. Some sort of virus is going around and I caught it ^.^;; So yea. don't expect something until the long weekend, oh yea 3 days! Then we gots (yes gots) Thanksgiving break! Thank God! .I hate 8th grade. And please do in fact check out my website, PLEASE! Its actually pretty good! 


	8. Big fight between the older and younger ...

Hey hey, another chapter, this is a good month for me, ay? I've managed to get up another chapter for you people. even though I only received like. 2 reviews from 2 chapters. I guess I lost you guys *cries* Anyway, I better do the stinking disclaimer.  
  
Disclaimer: *grabs all of her invisible friends* I need all of you to say this for me in unison. and it needs to sound creepy!  
  
All invisible people: *sweat drop*  
  
Eileen:*rubs her temples* Here, just read off this *shows big poster with words*  
  
Link: C'mon guys, lets just do this one thing.  
  
Everyone else: (In a whiney voice) Fiiiiine....... Eileen does not own Dynasty Warriors or any of the characters from it. It is her mere fantasy!  
  
Link: Yea but she could always make invisible ones. ^.^  
  
Eileen: Ya know. I do in fact have-  
  
Link: Just tell them you're darn story!  
  
Eileen rubs the back of her head like Goku: Oh yea. well you guys get the point! ON WITH THE STORY!  
  
(P.S. Ever notice when you make dot dot dots, it doesn't really show up on FFNet? Oh well. I bet those dots didn't work. or those! ~.~)  
  
Lu Xun was running full speed through the forest, this time taking extra care not to trip and fall again. That always hurt. and he didn't like hurtness.ness ness ness! So anyway, he gracefully leaped over logs and rocks all the while the girl was bumping up and down on his shoulder going, "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah." because the bumping was syllable-izing her Ahhhhhhh, just like when you talk and someone pats you relatively hard on the back and it goes all. yea. But Lu Xun didn't mind that either; he was determined now, with the mission he had thought up in his head. It was too secrete for me to even tell you! *Gasp*  
  
The girl didn't know the plan, or care about it for that matter, all she knew was she was having fun on Lu Xun's shoulder. It seemed different than last time and now he actually had her on his shoulder right so his bones weren't sticking in her gut. Plus she loved making that etchy sound when she went up and down gracelessly like a horseman who didn't know how to post. On top of that Lu Xun was running much faster and she was facing the right direction so the wind was blowing in her hair. She put her hand behind her head and posed like a model, "Ih-I'mm-m a mo-mod-el!" she said like an herbal essence girl.  
  
Lu Xun looked over at her, "What?" he asked raising an eyebrow, still running. "Y-ee-ea!" she told him with a big smile. He rolled his eyes and kept on running, "Well if that 'tis so," he said with a smirk, "you shall eventually become my bride." The girl went pale.  
  
Back, Xiao Qiao skipped through the forest gleefully (and as requested) her hair was magically better as if nothing had happened a lot like in cartoons and whatnot, after Lu Xun. She seemed to be in some magical forest and was all sparkly and the sun was shining brightly in her eyes. It was like in the commercials when they skip through a beautiful place where everything was perfect. She was in complete bliss as she merrily strode down the long, wide path.  
  
Zhou Yu walked beside her, annoyance obviously evident in his eyes. He grumbled to himself, "Why is it that it always gets like this when she skips?"  
  
That was when Xiao Qiao stopped skipping and froze. She was like a statue. Zhou Yu walked up to her and looked at her, "What's wrong?" he asked. Xiao Qiao's eyes shot to him, "SHHHHHH!" she shouted. "Is it Lu-?" "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zhou Yu stopped and became as still as she was. The 16- year-old looked around intently, being sure to not even breath. "What is it?" Zhou Yu said just barely. Xiao Qiao didn't even bother looking at him and she just put her finger over her mouth.  
  
Zhou Yu smiled slightly, she was probably hot on the trail of Lu Xun and his little she-devil friend. At first Zhou Yu thought he was holding a hostage, but after she crisped his and his wife's hair, he had mentally dubbed her "little she-devil." While in his mental notation and note skimming, Xiao Qiao tapped Zhou Yu harshly on the shoulder, "Zhou!" she whispered. His eyes were pure white and he looked utterly spaced out. It was Xiao Qiao's turn to roll her eyes and grumble, "Why is it that he always gets like this when he thinks?" She tapped him harder and he shook out of it.  
  
"What is it?" he asked grimly. Xiao Qiao pointed over to a bush where something shook it. Zhou Yu nodded slowly, thinking he got the idea. He slowly began walking over to see what it was. Xiao Qiao held her hand out in front of his chest and shook her head dismally, "Let me." she told him. Zhou nodded with a serious look on his face.  
  
Xiao Qiao slowly walked to the bush, even able to keep her shoes from making any noise. When she finally reached the bush and was a good distance away from it, yet still close, she shot down suddenly and grabbed something in the bush.  
  
Zhou Yu gasped, not in shock, but in pure glee. Xiao Qiao had finally caught..  
  
"THAT'S NOT LU XUN!" Zhou Yu shouted in disappointment. Xiao Qiao gave him one of those babysitter looks (you know the kind), and put a hand on her hip, "I never said it was!" In her other hand she held a cute little, white bunny with a cottontail and a pink, twitchy little nose. She petted it and kissed it and spoke baby talk to it, as Zhou Yu stood there dumbfounded.  
  
Back at the base Sun Quan sat back with his feet kicked up on a table as Sun Ce pouted. "I still say we should go and try to find them ourselves! I can't stand just staying here while my best friend is out there doing something stupid. and it really concerns me because Yu's the smartest guy I know!" Sun Quan opened one of his eyes from his half-sleeping and used it to glare at Sun Ce, "Who said he was YOUR best friend?" he challenged. "What are you talking about?" Sun Ce asked angrily. "Well duh, its obvious that Zhou Yu likes me better!" Sun Quan said snootily. Sun Ce jumped up, holding his weapons forward, "HE'S MY BEST FRIEND!" he screamed in defense.  
  
Sun Quan opened the other eye, getting more aggravated, "No he's not, HE LIKES ME BETTER!" he yelled at Sun Ce. "YOU DON'T EVEN TALK TO HIM!" Sun Ce pointed out. Sun Quan closed his eyes again, ".He still likes me better," he informed him plainly. Sun Ce's nostril's flared in his anger, like a bull's, and he suddenly jumped up at Sun Quan, "NOT TRUE!" he cried out as he was about to grab his brother in a choke hold.  
  
Meanwhile, Lu Xun and his "fiancé" were still running through the forest. Where Lu Xun got the energy. well I have some pretty good hypothesizes but I'm lazy to say them, so I'll just say I don 't know! One. well ANOTHER thing I DO know is that after Lu Xun's last comment, the little girl was half enraged and half filled with glee. Sure, it would be great to marry this brave General, but he was weird and crazy and he treated her like a slave. Though it'd probably change if she got married to him, but it was still weird. I mean, the guy was a pyro. Then again. well that's what confused her.  
  
"PUT ME DOWN!" She shouted furious, "RIGHT THIS MINUTE!" she said imitating her mother to sound more powerful. Lu Xun didn't even bother to listen to her, instead he tuned her out and mentally tuned into an elevator music station. As the mellow, soothing music played, his eyelids sank halfway and he went onto a rainbow of calm. His head rocked back and forth to the soft instrumental interlude and that was when his foot made another new friend.  
  
The two, for the second time, when flying to the ground hard, extremely solid ground. (Solid=salad. oh never mind, its an inside joke.) This time the girl was not so lucky and instead of just falling and landing on Lu Xun she landed IN a tree. Lu Xun was lucky, his head hit a small pile of leaves and he was fine. He got up and looked around. His little friend was nowhere to be found. He looked all over the ground for her little body and found her nowhere. He put his hands on his hips, "You better not be hiding! I wouldn't like to have to burn down this whole forest to find you!" he warned her.  
  
But there was nothing the girl could do, her head miraculously shot right into the hollow of a large tree and she was stuck. "GRRR!" she growled. (Rin pops up: Thank you Captain Obvious! Eileen: -.-) "MAAAAASTER! MY HEAD IS STUCK! MAAAAAAAAAAASTER! HEEELP!" But as loud as her little lungs made her scream, the trunk of the tree muffled any noise coming from her.  
  
Lu Xun continued looking around on the ground, "Little girl! Where did you go?" he shouted. He gave the forest one last glimpse and instantly gave up, "Oh well, there are plenty of other beautiful girls out there to marry!" With that he walked away, leaving the girl stuck in the trunk. It was kind of sad though, because there she was, sticking out of a tree barely 6 feet off the ground and he couldn't find her. The really sad thing: Lu Xun was no taller than 5"7 and never thought to look up.  
  
In the base, Sun Ce was viciously strangling his brother while Sun Quan gasped for help. Sun Shang Xiang sat in Sun Quan's big comfy chair and watched in amusement. "I could really use some popcorn right now!" (Eileen: Oh, the hell with it!) A bag of popcorn suddenly appeared in Sun Shang Xiang's hands and she smiled, "I love that." she sighed to herself. (Eileen:*wink*) Sun Quan gave her the most devilish look he could muster, but it was pretty hard considering that he was lacking air. She just smiled innocently at him.  
  
That was when one of Sun Quan's body guards came strolling about, whistling Dixie (lol, couldn't resist!) and sees his powerful master being strangled by (what he thought) his younger brother. "LORD SUN QUAN!" He gasped jumped to help. "He's. too strong. for you! Get.ge. FATHER!" his bodyguard nodded and bolted off to get help. Sun Shang Xiang was about to bolt after him when she sighed and looked down at the two, "Oh well. better enjoy it while it lasts." she mumbled to herself, getting another mouthful of popcorn.  
  
"You can't keep the bunny, Xiao! It'll be a burden while looking for Lu Xun!" Zhou Yu scolded the young Xiao Qiao. But she was being stubborn and refused to part with her furry little friend, "NO! Moochie-kins isn't goin' nowhere!" she shouted, running away from Zhou Yu, at least the right direction to find Lu Xun. Zhou Yu chased behind her, "I'm sorry, honey, but it'll just get in the way! And that's improper English! Its isn't goinG ANYwhere!" Zhou Yu corrected.  
  
That's when Xiao Qiao stopped. "What are you talking about? We don't even really speak English!" she told him folding her arms. Zhou Yu suddenly stopped, "You know what? You're right, we DON'T speak English." The two looked out at the readers in disgust. "HEY! Why should we speak English just for you?" Xiao Qiao accused YOU. "YEA!" Zhou Yu agreed, giving you all a death glare. (That's when you growl angrily and point towards me shouting, "BUT SHE DID IT!") (Repeat it out loud! And who care's who's listening to you!) "BUT SHE DID IT!" the audience shouted, pointing at. ME?! YOU TRAITORS! WHO SET YOU UP TO DO THIS?! I'LL GIVE 'EM THE OL' ONE TWO! *Crickets* Oh yea. well. Eileen gets angry glares from Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao. I don't know Japanese like in the video game, so sue me!  
  
"But when you think about it, we're mad at the Japanese creators too because we don't speak Japanese either! We're CHINESE!" Xiao Qiao pointed out. "Yea!" Zhou Yu agreed again, suddenly feeling a bit left out of the argument just copying what Xiao Qiao said. I'm shrugging, I don't know Japanese OR Chinese, so live with it and feel special that you're all bilingual! (I spelled that word all on my own! No SPELL CHECK!)  
  
That was when Xiao Qiao gasped, "WE GOT SO OFF TOPIC! LU XUN MIGHT ALREADY HAVE-" Zhou Yu clamped his hand over Xiao Qiao's mouth, "SHUSH! They're not supposed to know what happens in the end you silly little butt!" Zhou Yu scolded her. Xiao Qiao gave a frown, "Butt? I'm a butt?" she asked miserably looking at the ground. Zhou Yu's eyebrows folded up sadly, "No! That's not what I meant. I. You know I love you!" Zhou Yu tried convincing her. She looked up with a gleam in her eye, "You do?!" she squealed happily. Zhou Yu felt her cheek and smiled warmly at her, "Of course I do!" he told her gently. She smiled up at him and kissed him on the cheek. "Now lets go get our prey!" she said gaily (yes gaily!).  
  
So they both ran off again to look for Lu Xun and drag him back to base. That was when Xiao realized her bunny was gone. "MY BUNNY!" she screamed frantically. She looked ahead of her and saw it hopping off. Her eyes widened, "Yu-bear! We HAFTA get that bunny back!" she demanded. Zhou Yu gave a thwarted look, just when he thought she would get serious, she's back to her naïve self.  
  
"Xiao! It's just a bunny-" Zhou Yu started to lecture her again when she was already very far away screaming something back to him, "I THINK THIS BUNNY CAN HELP US!" she explained. He smacked himself in the face, "You've got to be kidding me!" he whined to himself.  
  
Again at the base, a crowd was gathering around a fight, everyone holding popcorn (thanks to my special author skills) and staring in wonder as brother fought brother. Sun Ce was painfully obviously winning. Sun Quan's bodyguard finally came back with Sun Jian who looked disappointedly at all of his generals who were standing around watching, some drooling in amusement. He broke through everyone and grabbed both his boys by their collars. Actually the only one he really had to grab was Ce and Quan gladly stepped back from Quan.  
  
"CE! What has gotten into you? How could you assault your older brother like that?" Sun Jian yelled at Sun Ce. He was come over by another rage, "BUT FATHER! I'M OLDER!" he shouted defensively. "How could YOU?!" Sun Ce accused his father. He blinked. "You're older? But."  
  
That was when Da Qiao (OH MY GOD! Xiao's sister IS in this after all) stepped up. "Well Ce-Ce, its easy to mistaken YOU to be younger." she began explaining. Sun Ce gave her a look of deep hurt, "Now you're in on this too?!" he pleaded. Da shook her head, "Of course not! But." she began again, "You're younger brother looks like an old fart and you look so young!" Sun Quan shot her a death glare. "That's why I like you better, Ce- Ce!" Da said to him latching onto his arm.  
  
"OLD FART?!" Sun Quan sulked in anger. Everyone looked to him and nodded their heads. "Yea," Lu Meng said, "That was the only reason I thought you were older." Sun Quan clenched his fists, "Not because. I'm more mature? OR ANYTHING?" They all nodded again. Sun Quan stomped off all in a huff.  
  
Meanwhile, Lu Xun was walking off also in quite the huff. First BG abandoned him now his faithful little "fiancé" who knew the art of being a pyromaniac as well has he did had abandoned him as well. Or so he thought, at least. So he was stormy through the forest and instead of going around things as he had before, he made them go around him. He chopped branches and kick rocks and even took a good 10 minutes to move the really big ones!  
  
That was up until he came across a gigantic log fallen over onto the would- be path he was on. He stopped walking and put his hands on his hips, "C'mon!" he shouted angrily into the air. He didn't want to hurt his pride by walking around the God forsaken log and he knew he couldn't possess the power to move it in a thousand years, even a thousand years after that! So he stood there, waiting for the log to move. In his "prince" state, he had more pride and stubbornness than the prince of saiyans! What's up with princes having attitude, anyway? Oh the hell with it, I love Vegeta and Lu Xun. and Lu doesn't need the attitude to be irresistible! (Ahahahaha. ok I'm done now).  
  
So he stood there with his arms crossed, refusing to even admit defeat to some log or himself. He stared at the log as if his piercing glare would make it "want" to leave. "You know you want to give in!" Lu Xun jeered sternly. "Come on, subside to my devilish glare! You know you can't outlast the Prince of Flames!" Lu Xun tried again.  
  
And that tops off the crazy chapter 7 of the Pyromaniac Prince of Flames! It was decently long, you must agree! Though I'm pretty disappointed in my readers. I only got ONE review from those two chapters. And it was from the very kind number304! Thank you for your consideration of my efforts! Now everyone else, I have my *last* chapter completed and everything, but you can't see it until I get some more darn reviews! That's right, you heard me, no last chapter until you people ask for it! 


	9. The final chapter! I could cry!

Disclaimer: *rubs back of head* I've run out of disclaimer ideas. wait. no I haven't! I need a member of the audience to come up here and say the disclaimer! *Waits for one of you to volunteer* I'm not saying no disclaimer until one of you volunteers! *Evil glance* FINE! I don't own Dynasty Warriors or any of that crap. no wonder I hafta say this, you guys don't even know it!  
  
So here is the FINAL chapter to The Pyromaniac Prince of Flames! It's a shame I lost all my readers though. nobody ever reviews anymore *wipes away tear*  
  
"Honestly, Xiao! This is nuts! We HAVE TO find that maniac!" Zhou Yu complained as he continued chasing after Xiao Qiao whom was herself chasing after her little white bunny. "Think about it, if we don't catch him. who will? Cao Cao? Liu Bei?" Zhou Yu ranted on.  
  
"What about old man Jenkins?" Xiao Qiao added.  
  
Zhou Yu shook his head, "Who? What are you talking about? This isn't Spongebob Squarepants you know!" Zhou Yu complained.  
  
Xiao blinked, "What are YOU talking about, you know very well that old man Jenkins lives around here!"  
  
"No he doesn't!" Zhou Yu defended.  
  
Xiao Qiao stopped and crossed her arms as she turned around to face her husband, "If there's no old man Jenkins, than explain that bearded guy at our base with the weird head piece!" Xiao pointed out.  
  
Zhou gave her a bemused look, "That's not old man Jenkins! That's just Sun Quan!" Zhou Yu justified. It was Xiao's turn to give off bemused looks.  
  
"But I could have sworn-" Xiao Qiao said shaking her head. Zhou Yu patted her on the back, "Don't worry about it, I'm one of the few who know that he's actually younger than Sun Ce."  
  
Xiao shot him scrunched eyebrows, "Whatcha talkin' bout, Yu?" Xiao questioned. (I KNEW I could put that in somewhere!) Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow, "Oh never mind," he muttered continuing to walk.  
  
Xiao Qiao stood there for a while. After a few minutes she turned around and spurted "HE'S YOUNGER THAN SUN CE?!"  
  
Lu Xun continued standing before the horribly immovable log. "Come on you bull headed scoundrel! Move already, I have a schedule to keep!" Lu Xun bellowed at the obstacle while looking at his watch. That was when he raised his eyebrow, "Watch? Watches didn't even exist in this time you stupid head!" *rubs back of head* Sorry, my bad. *clears throat* I should say, while looking at the sky. Yea, the sky, old fashion clock.  
  
He looked back down at the haggard log. It had to be at least a thousand years old. It was covered in dark green moss that looked like an old woman's shawl. Some of the bark lay chipped off by weather, old age, animals, or all of the above. Lu Xun eyed it curiously as he observed its qualities more. A hole was scattered here and there with rotting tree surrounding the edges of each. A branch raised here and there in much the same spread fashion as the holes. Lu Xun's facial expression filled with care and thoughtfulness. "This must have been a grand tree." he sighed dreamily.  
  
In his sigh he continued, "But alas." an evil gleam sparked in his golden brown eyes, "IT IS IN MY WAY!" He immediately searched his pockets for his magic sticks only to realize one thing. "That little freak has my magic sticks!" Lu Xun shouted in rage.  
  
"How DARE she go off with my magic sticks! That's where she went! The little thief! She's going to get it!" Lu Xun ranted on walking back and forth, never stepping around the log. For a rather continuous time, Lu Xun fumed on about how she would find the child and scar her for life. It was quite a shame that the only reason she was gone was because he was careless and he didn't really look.  
  
Zhou Yu rolled his eyes at his wife who was doing quite similar to Lu Xun. "I don't understand this. . . its not possible. It's not physically possible! How can one look so old? It's not natural!" Xiao Qiao ranted inaudibly. Zhou Yu really wanted to get going to. He was ABOUT to look at his watch when he shot me a death glare and I remembered that they didn't have watches back then so I just made him stand there.  
  
"Xiao, honey, we have GOT to get going!" Zhou Yu tried hurrying her along. And she was starting to scare him with the crazy faces she was making as she muttered and grumbled to herself. "When I was a kid, people looked young. unless they were old, Sun Quan looks so old. old old old."  
  
Zhou Yu grabbed Xiao by the shoulders and shook her lightly, "Xiao! It. Doesn't. Matter." Zhou Yu said slowly and clearly as to get her to shut up. Her eyes widened as she looked at him and she started going off on a mumble spree again, saying something that sounded like, "Blue for the virus, green for the anti-virus" and repeating it about 3 times. (Go watch some Resident Evil. but first finish reading!)  
  
"What?" Zhou Yu asked beginning to consider counseling for his wife. not that he hadn't considered it before, though. Xiao Qiao gave a big smile, "I have thought it over and decided!" Xiao Qiao told Zhou Yu happily. Zhou Yu nodded, "What?" he asked with fake excitement and a fake smile.  
  
"Sun Quan is definitely older than Sun Ce!" she notified Zhou Yu with a grin. Zhou Yu's eye twitched, "Ohhhhhhhh hooooneyy." He jeered her. Xiao looked at him. "Bunny." He stated plainly. Xiao Qiao's eyes became as large as dinner plates, she raised her finger and glared at Zhou Yu, getting way up in his face, "You are in trouble mister!" she informed him before running off after the bunny that left a nice trail behind it.  
  
Zhou Yu stood there, bewildered. "What did I do?" he inferred to himself. He shook his head out of it and quietly said to himself, "That was really, really weird," then he took off after his wife.  
  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEELP! PLEASE! SOMONE, ANYONE! HELP!" the brown-haired girl screamed and cried from inside the stump. Her feet kicked wildly on the outside of the tree, which she was in. "THIS ISN'T FAIR! MASTER, WHERE HAVE YOU GONE! I'LL BE YOUR FIANCE, NO COMPLAINTS! PLEEEASE, COME BACK!" she pleaded getting extremely aggravated. She tried to squirm a little at the chance she could squirm her way out. She'd been in tough situations before and she'd gotten out of them, but she never even dreamed fate would bring her to such a case. After much screaming, rambling about how life wasn't fair, and kicking about, she decided it was useless to keep on struggling. So long as no bugs or strange animals lived in that whole, she'd be ok for now. I mean. someone had to get there sooner or later, right? Yea, lots of idiots JUST WALK OFF THE TRAIL IN THE POISON IVY! Which reminded her. "Ah! My leg. it itches!" she moaned. She couldn't reach it with the other foot because it was too high up and it wasn't in the whole with her hands. Now she had a REALLY good reason for squirming.  
  
Lu Xun now sat defeated himself. That evil log was blocking his way and he was fresh out of his magic sticks that only can be made with the proper supplies. He wouldn't find them in the middle of the forest and he couldn't walk back to the base. unless of course. That was it! He knew just what to do! He got up quickly and like a bolt of lightning, he was off in the direction behind him. Now he had a plan and if it should work, he'd forever be known as the Prince of Flames, ruler of all China!  
  
(Only 2 paragraphs later!) Our duo was still chasing after that old rabbit. And Zhou Yu had to admit, it was hard keeping up with Xiao Qiao at the rate she was running. But after all, the bunny must've been way ahead. But lo! There it was sitting before the two as if it had been waiting for a good half hour or so. A smile grew on Xiao Qiao's face. She was right about her hunch, this bunny was trying to lead them somewhere, and that somewhere could have been right to what they were searching for. That "prince" would have more spankings if Xiao Qiao died trying! Well maybe not died, but maybe got a cut on her finger or something. The bunny gave them one look and if bunnies could smirk, that one would have!  
  
Off it dashed, Xiao Qiao and Zhou Yu right behind it. Zhou Yu still thought it was the whole idea of following the bunny was ridiculous, but he had to go with it because otherwise he'd loose his partner and maybe get lost and everything. On top of that, what did he have to loose, it was at least in the same direction they would have been going anyway.  
  
So on they chased, and a mere 15 minutes later (pure jogging), the tired couple finally got to stop because the bunny did. The bunny sat there for a while and so did the two. They were awfully tired. Not only were bunnies fast, but also they had to follow after it at the same quick speed for 15 minutes! And trust me, when jogging at ANY pace, 15 minutes can feel like forever. actually just in gym class is it horrible. but getting back to the story!  
  
They rested for a short time and Xiao Qiao decided she had best start looking around for where the Prince may be hiding. The bunny had stopped after all, so he must be around there somewhere! She first looked around briefly and at all the obvious spots. Behind trees and large rocks she peered and searched. She looked in a few hollowed out logs that lie on the ground but still found nothing. She laid her hands on her hips and looked around with annoyance in her eyes. She couldn't be wrong, that bunny WAS leading them to SOMETHING. Xiao Qiao had to find it now!  
  
She glanced down at the log again when suddenly her and Zhou Yu heard a piercing scream come from above. "WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP MEEEE!? THERE'S A HUGE SPIDER!" it shrieked in fear. The two both immediately looked up to see little legs sprouting from the tree! Xiao Qiao gasped. "Yu-bear! What is that?!" she stammered frightened. She'd never seen a tree like that. "Is someone there?" the "tree" asked. Xiao ran to Zhou Yu and leaned up against him and hid her face in his chest. Zhou Yu looked curiously at the tree and the kicking feet.  
  
Then he smiled down at Xiao Qiao, he loved it when she did things like that and it was so cute! Plus it made him feel MANLY (hahahaha! In my head that sounds funny)! With Xiao Qiao still leaning close to him, he slowly walked forward towards the tree. Xiao of course didn't want to leave Zhou Yu so she walked with him. It was lucky they didn't totally trip over one another. As they approached, the kicking stopped and a low, practically inaudible noise came from the tree, "Maybe I'm just getting delusional from being here so long. I guess I'll just hafta be devoured by the spider," the voice said in dismay. Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Xiao-ow," Zhou Yu whispered softly using her pet name, "its not the tree talking, it's the person stuck IN it!" Xiao Qiao slowly lifted her head up and turned around to look at the tree. Now that they were up close, it was quite easy to see that the child was merely IN the tree. "Well what're you waiting for, Yu-bear! Get her out!" Zhou Yu nodded and grabbed the ankles of the child. After a few quick jerks, she sprang out of the tree causing Zhou Yu to be flung back, child on him and all. The girl shook her head a few times to snap out of it and looked around.  
  
"I. I'M FREE!" she hollered in delight. Shortly after her little celebration, she felt a small tickle on her nose. like. "THERE'S A SPIDER ON MY FACE! ACK!" she shrieked. Now she shook her head furiously in attempts to get the spider off her face. When her attempts failed, she swiftly pulled out a small box.  
  
When the pair saw the small box, each of their eyes widened! It was that same box they had seen Lu Xun use before to carry his weird magic sticks that he used to set everyone and everything on fire. They then watched as the girl suddenly made a flame appear and burned the little black spider right off of her face. It was amazing! This little girl had mastered what Lu Xun had! They both wondered how she could have known how to make the powers work. and so well. So for a while they stood there staring at the cute little girl. The little girl made sure that the spider was good and dead by laying another flame on it then she buried it in the ground after digging a small hole with her fingers. When her duty was finished she patted the dirt a few times then dusted her hands off on her pants.  
  
She looked up at the two who were staring at her. "Whatcha looking at?" she asked innocently. The couple both shook their heads out of it and smiled, "Nothing," said Xiao Qiao while admiring the girl's adorableness in her head. Zhou Yu was smiling while admiring her ability to use the accursed magic flame sticks. They kept on staring and the girl backed away slightly.  
  
Xiao Qiao slowly walked up to the girl and bent down to be her size, "Hi there, little one. Have you a name?" she asked softly. The girl smiled a little, "My name is Chihouri, Chi for short!" the girl told Xiao Qiao happily. These nice generals had asked for her name! It felt special, especially after being with Master who just called her. well he didn't really call her anything, he just ordered her around. She scowled a bit at the thought of him then had to snap out of it herself. Xiao Qiao still crouched before her, "That's a pretty name, Chi, I'm Xiao Qiao, but you can call me Xiao!" The girl- I mean Chi, smiled brightly. These two were definitely friendlier! And that other one was so handsome. though Master was quite attractive himself.  
  
Xiao Qiao got up and smiled down at the child who was smiling at her. (Isn't it nice I finally decided to tell you her name? I love that name, Chihouri. I made it up, but it was based off of that girl from Chobits, Chi, who is also very cute. no, that doesn't mean I'm a lesbian who likes girls. not that there's anything wrong with that ^.^;;). Zhou Yu also smiled down at the girl, if he and Xiao could get her to help them out, they'd have a much easier time finding Lu Xun; especially if the girl likes them and is willing to be of help!  
  
"What is your name, Mister?" Chi asked. Zhou Yu blinked, "My name is Zhou Yu, but you can call me Yu," Zhou Yu told her. (If your wondering why Xiao Qiao's first name is the actual first and Zhou Yu's is the second is because I think it only works with men in China) "Ok, Xiao and Yu, thank you for helping me!" Chi bowed low then came back up and smiled again. "My, Chi, you sure do smile a lot don't you?" Zhou Yu laughed. That just made Chi smile broader. Her smiles were contagious so they all smiled. Then it got creepy and they each stopped.  
  
This time Zhou Yu crouched down to talk to Chi, and in a very serious tone he asked her, "Chi, can you tell me where you got those?" He motioned to the box in her hand. Chi looked down at her hand where the magic sticks sat. She scowled again in thought of that jerk, her Master. Then it hit her. the faces, the heights, the hair! Any sign of a smile faded and she slowly began backing away. Zhou Yu gave a confused look, "What's the matter?" he asked. Xiao stepped forward, "Where are you going?"  
  
Chi turned around and began running. They duo gasped. "We can't let her get away! It's that girl from before, the one who was with Lu Xun that burned our hair off! We HAFTA catch her, she must know where Lu Xun is hiding!" Zhou Yu ordered. Xiao Qiao nodded and they both ran after her.  
  
Meanwhile, Lu Xun was running himself. If he could sneak back in the base and find BG (did you think I forgot about old BG?), he'd be set and he'd go and see if he could sneak some more supplies. Then he'd run back out here and burn up the whole dang forest. He only hoped he wouldn't run into those two interfering nuisances! This time he was SURE not to trip or fall or anything. This was urgently urgent! (what?)  
  
He even put in the effort to go around logs and go over them! It didn't matter now; all those little obstacles would pay with their lives, thought Lu Xun. He would rule China after all. if he were smart. And he of course being as arrogant as he was right now thought he was. Poor fool.  
  
Chihouri didn't want to be anywhere evil wizards. She remembered them and what Lu Xun said. She wasn't taking any risks with wizards, especially evil ones! She shuddered about the though of being that close to them. "But boy am I glad I'm out of that stupid tree!" Chi thought. "If I should come across Master again. he's going to get it!" She meant it to. Now she had the power, the magic, and the fire! He'd have a taste of his own medicine. which didn't taste much like cherries, just like those crappy cough syrups that they say are so good!  
  
So now she sprinted in the direction that Lu Xun happened to be in, little did she know! Then she had Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao hot on her trail, which she did in fact know! Lu Xun didn't know he was being approached either, and at the rate which all four were running, they'd meet in about 7 minutes, 43 seconds, and 1208 milliseconds! But then again, since Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao were behind Chi by a few yards. oh forget it! They would soon pass trails!  
  
Anyway, they were all equally determined to reach their goal, whether it was chasing yet another small creature, trying to secretly reach a base, or just plain escape the clutches of evil, they all wanted to reach their goal! Xiao Qiao was soon getting tired, after all that running and whatnot; she was beginning to get worn out. That was when it happened. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Xiao Qiao suddenly stopping and collapsing on the ground. Zhou Yu gasped and stopped himself. Immediately he was at Xiao Qiao's side, holding her hand.  
  
"Xiao-ow! Xiao, please speak to me! Xiao!" Zhou Yu pleaded while she laid there, eyes closed, limp as a wet noodle. Zhou Yu held her in his arms and tried to shake her away. "Please come back to me!" he tried again. Her eyelids slowly opened halfway. "My dear Yu." she said tenderly. Zhou Yu's face lightened but a little. "Xiao. tell me, what is it?" he asked gently. "I. I." she stammered as if in pain. Zhou Yu's face filled with mental hurt as he watched the one he loved lay there. "Tell me!" he begged. "I have." Zhou Yu nodded, just imploring her to tell what was the matter, why she may die. "A cramp!" she finally let out falling limp again.  
  
Zhou Yu gave her a look of pure aggravation, "XIAO!" he hollered. "WHAT?!" she whined, "cramps hurt badly!" Zhou Yu lightly pushed her off himself lightly and dusted his shirt off, "Do you want some cheese with that "whine?" Zhou Yu teased helping Xiao Qiao up. Xiao glowered a little and held her side, "Knock it off!" Zhou Yu snickered, "But really, dear, we need to keep going!" Xiao Qiao nodded.  
  
As they started off again Xiao smiled evilly at the sight she saw on Zhou Yu's face. "Is that a tear dripping down your cheek?" she teased. Zhou Yu looked down at her and a look of embarrassment was in his eyes, "What are you talking about! I'm not crying!" Zhou Yu lied. "Aww! Yea you are!" Xiao Qiao accused trying to touch the tear with her hand. "Hey! I do not cry!" Zhou lied again. Xiao Qiao rolled her eyes, "You men are so full of yourselves!" Zhou Yu tried getting off topic, "Just concentrate on catching that little brat!"  
  
Chihouri sighed in relief when she realized that she was so far ahead of those wizards she couldn't even see them. She smiled to herself; she was faster than she thought. The one problem she was facing at the moment was she didn't know exactly where she was running. She'd climb in a tree but they'd probably see her, and the ones that she wouldn't be seen in where only hidden because they were so high and she couldn't reach any branches or climb them. Wherever she was going, she would be satisfied so long as those wizards wouldn't find her.  
  
In her concentration of trying to run as fast as she could without passing out first, she didn't see someone sprinting as fast as she was in front of her.  
  
In front of her was in fact the Prince of Flames who was also too busy concentrating to see the little girl ahead of her. They both just kept on running. Chi was looking at the ground trying to think of how rewarding all this running would be when she was still alive and Lu Xun was looking to the sides of him to make sure nobody was following or trying to ambush him. He never thought that maybe someone could come from the front of him. all though that's probably the most likely place they'd be!  
  
It was only when they were but a few feet in front of each other when they realized what was going to happen. Chi gasped, "Master?" Lu Xun found himself in the same questioning position, "Slave?" Then they collided. In not wanting to be run over, Chi decided that maybe if she jumped she'd actually just land on him and they'd fall over instead of completely smash into one another. It was lucky that her plan worked because she really would have been trampled.  
  
So there Chi sat happily on Lu Xun's chest again, "Hi Master!" she sang. Boy was she ever glad she found him; he might be able to protect her from those evil wizards. "Where were you?!" Lu Xun demanded in anger, "Running of and stealing my flames for yourself!" "Stealing?! You abandoned me!" they both argued. "Abandoned? What are you talking about, Slave?" Lu Xun questioned. "When you tripped over that rock, I went flying and I got stuck in a tree!" Lu Xun burst out laughing at that. "Its not funny! There was this big spider in there! If it wasn't for the-" Chi stopped herself. She'd have her revenge on Master. She wouldn't tell them about Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao coming and find a way to stall him. Maybe even get him to go back to them!  
  
"Wasn't for the what?" Lu Xun asked suspiciously. "The. the. the monkey! Yea, the monkey! He saw me and pulled me out!" Chi explained nervously. Lu Xun raised a brow and decided to just believe her. Its not like those idiots were still looking for him. After all, that whiney little Qiao brat wouldn't dare be seen with her hair like that. or would she? Lu Xun shook his head, everything was ok now anyway, and he got his magic sticks back and- "Where are my magic sticks! Lu Xun demanded suddenly.  
  
"What? You mean these?" Chi asked pulling out all the packs that she had in her pockets. Lu Xun nodded with a creepy smile on his face. "Yes. give them to Master, Slave!" Lu Xun ordered. Chi growled, "I have a name!" Lu Xun's face became gentle, "You do?" Chi fell over anime-style. "Of course I do! My name is Chihouri, Chi for short!" she told him proudly. Lu Xun nodded. "Well then. CHI, thank you for keeping these safe! Now we really must be off!" Lu Xun informed Chi.  
  
Chi blinked then was stricken with shock as Lu Xun lifted her up and began jogging in the opposite direction of where the wizards were. "Bu-" she stammered. She'd have to think of a plan, and quick! That was when an idea struck her. She sneakily took one of the packs of magic sticks from Lu Xun's pockets (where he would keep them from now on for emergency reasons, aside from one small pack given to Chi) and chucked it as hard as she could back in the opposite direction.  
  
"Master! Master! You dropped a pack! Its way over there!" Chi pleaded to Lu Xun. Lu Xun stopped and sighed in annoyance. "Dilemmas, dilemmas!" he complained putting Chi down. "Ok then, be a good slave and go retrieve them for me!" Chi bit her lip, that wasn't going to help. unless. yes that was it! It was perfect. She'd go slowly to retrieve them.  
  
"Yes master! You can count on me!" Chi said with one of her signature smiles and a giggle or two. She began slug walking towards the pack. Lu Xun coughed loudly and tapped his foot while giving Chi one of those looks. Chi laughed nervously, "Oh yea, in a hurry!" Chi stammered, her plan not working as well as she thought. She jogged a little then stopped, "I'm sorry Master. I'm just so tired from jogging here to find you!" she made up an excuse to just walk. Lu Xun moaned angrily, "CHIIII!" Chi nodded, "Ok, ok! I'm sorry Master!" But she didn't jog again and she just kept walking.  
  
Lu Xun was about fed up with her lack of diligence and decided he'd just get it himself. He jogged over to Chi and picked her up again, holding her like a baby. She was acting enough like one to him! "Master! I was going to do it! I just needed a minute!" she complained trying to slow him down some more. She was grateful for her good arm and that the pack was still quite far away from them even though Lu Xun was now jogging.  
  
Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao were extremely determined now that they were behind. They were actually catching up really well because of Chi. "Yu! I see something in the distance! It. No way!" she cried. Zhou Yu squinted to see, "Holy crap! It is! Both of them!" Zhou Yu burst out. Now they were more determined than ever and they took off at. adrenaline-like speeds. After all that they just might bag the maniac!  
  
And so Lu Xun slowed down as he reached the little box and set Chi down. A few yards away Chi saw Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao zooming over. She bit her nails nervously. She prayed that they'd get there before Lu Xun had a chance to run off again! In her mind she devised multiple back-up B, C, D, and even E plans in case the couple should be too late. Lu Xun bent down and picked up the box. Chi thought of a way to further delay Lu Xun. (I'm sorry if for now this isn't the funniest thing, but its still cool, right? Don't worry it gets better! ^.^) She ran up from behind him and pushed his butt causing him to fall on his face. She giggled, "You silly! You let your guard down!" Chi said playfully.  
  
Lu Xun mumbled something about "meddling kids" then got up off his face. He spat out the dirt and coughed a few times. "Don't do that again, Slave!" Lu Xun ordered. Chi bit her lip, "Sorry master," she said as she usually would. Then a plan hit her, "I just couldn't help myself." she said seductively, thinking of another plan to delay him while the couple was still yards away! Lu Xun raised a brow at her tone, especially because she was what? Nine? Ten maybe?  
  
She walked up to him, licking her lips, thinking about what she was going to do. In all her life this idea had never even crossed her mind before, but she would have her revenge on him, even if it meant doing THAT! (Not that THAT!) Lu Xun was sitting down, legs outstretched and just watched as this girl approached him. She tried moving in the sexiest way she could think of and slowly leaned down on Lu Xun's lap. Chi didn't understand why adults loved stuff like this so much, but she knew that if she were to have her revenge, she'd have to pay a hefty price for it.  
  
So then she laid her head on his chest. Lu Xun, even in his strange state, turned bright red. "Slave..?" he asked with a lump in his throat. He then shook out of it; after all, she was a little kid! Then again. he was only 17. that's only a 7 or 8-year difference (my dad and his GF are. 10 and a half years apart. it is weird but. you know. .) "What are you. doing?" Chi drew circles on his chest, "This," she told him plainly leaning towards his face to do what she knew she had to. Lu Xun waited, extremely red in the face, as she closed her eyes and slowly came closer to his face for a kiss.  
  
Just before their lips would meet, Zhou Yu grabbed Lu Xun by the collar and pulled him up. Chi fell off Lu Xun and landed with a thump. She sighed in relief. She would have her first kiss when she was a little older. Forgetting how grateful she should be to the two, the only thing she could think about them was that Master told her that they were evil wizards. She wanted nothing to do with evil wizards! So she immediately got up and went to run off.  
  
That was when Xiao grabbed HER by the collar. "Where do you think you're going?" Xiao asked with a hand on her hip while the other held the girl. The girl squirmed more than Lu Xun was at the time, "Let me go you evil wizard!" she screamed. Xiao Qiao was a taken a bit aback. "What?" she asked with hurt written on her face. "Master told me you were wizards! He also told me that you're dangerous! Let me go!" she squealed. Xiao rubbed one of her temples. then stopped when she realized that she would only feel better on one side while the other would probably double in pain.  
  
"You're saying he," Xiao Qiao pointed to Lu Xun, "told you that WE were wizards?" Chi nodded and a fire flickered in her eyes. Xiao Qiao suddenly laughed, "That's the most laughable thing I've heard for a long while!" Chi looked befuddled (that's a real word). Xiao smiled at her, "We're no wizards! If anything HE'S the wizard, pulling fire out of nowhere setting things-" Xiao Qiao turned around and saw one thing.  
  
"YU-BEAR! WHY DID YOU LET HIM DO THAT?!" Zhou Yu shrugged and bit his lower lip, "One second I'm holding him nice and tight and the next my arm's on fire!" Xiao's mouth was wide open, "And that caused the whole forest to be set on fire how?!" Zhou Yu shrugged like a little kid who knew he was in big trouble. Xiao stomped over to Zhou Yu and pulled him by his ear and began lecturing about something she didn't even understand. Chi stood there, hypnotized by the flames. "Preeeety... Fiiiiiiiiireeeee." she let out drooling. Xiao Qiao and Zhou Yu looked over at her and decided it was best to grab her before she tried eating the fire. Once when Xiao and Da were little, they were watching the fire and Xiao decided she'd try to eat the fire. Da still thinks its funny, but Zhou Yu regrets it because he can't get a good kiss on Xiao without feeling scars.  
  
So the three dashed after Lu Xun who was again, running from them while they chased him. By now they were pretty much used to it. But this time they were ready and he was barely ahead. There were no delays and they were right on his heels immediately. Lu Xun gulped in seeing they were gaining on him. Thinking quick, he pulled out his magic sticks and tried throwing one of them at the three. Its too bad he didn't realize the fire would go out in the flight.  
  
Because he was looking at his magic sticks, his best friend the log from the before was once again in his way. That half of the forest wasn't on fire. yet. And that was the part he really wanted to destroy. The log betrayed him and he went flying for the billionth time.  
  
"Oh, POOP!" Lu Xun pouted as he lied in the mud. He thought those two renegades were bad enough, but now, he lay face to face with Wu's prime enemy.  
  
"Well if it isn't a little boy lost in the woods!" Sima Ye mocked. "Laugh it up peasant!" Lu Xun glared at his personal enemy. Though he was strange (as I said before) he still remembered old rivals. Sima Ye hadn't looked forward yet and was still busy trying to think of other ways to make Lu Xun feel bad. Just like our local flamers, Sima Ye felt bad about his self and knew that he was a loser. Because of this and his lack of good therapy, he liked taking it out on our cute little pyro since he was just that insecure. "Did baby loose his bottle and come crawling in the woods to find it? Does he need a diaper change?! DOES HE NEED HIS MOMMA! WHO'S YO MOMMA? WHO'S YO MOMMA?!" Sima Ye said getting a bit too into it. His bodyguards coughed and diss-coughed "*cough-overdoingit-cough* *cough-you'relame- cough*" one of them said.  
  
And Sima Ye heard it. His eyes welled up with tears, "I'M NOT A BABY! JUST BECAUSE I WET THE BED DOEN'T MEAN I'M A BABY! IT WAS ONLY A FEW TIMES!" Sima Ye blabbed out. Lu Xun raised a brow and slowly backed away. Too bad for him that he was backing up into a trap, a Zhou Yu-Xiao Qiao-Chihouri trap! When he bumped into their feet he gasped. "You. you. -Gimme a good diss, writer person!-" *thinks* Er. "You pumpernickel loafs! What.? Oh screw it! You're all-" This has been censored by the EIPA (Eileen's Innocents Protection Agency). Xiao Qiao covered Chi's ears while Sima Ye's bodyguards covered his.  
  
Sima Ye immediately shoved their hands away, "I is a big boy! Me hear!" When Sima Ye heard it he paled, "I'M TELLING ON YOU!" he shouted running away, his bodyguards following suite. "Xun! We know you're mentally ill, but really! Such language!" ZHOU YU scolded. (I betcha thought I was gonna say Xiao Qiao!) Xiao Qiao blinked a few times, "You know. Poo-face isn't such a bad word!" Zhou Yu gasped, "XIAO!" Zhou Yu roared, ". you're right!" Xiao nodded.  
  
Lu Xun in the mean time snuck away (he's so sly!) on all fours. He lucked out because it was finally the end of that Godforsaken forest! And right outside that forest was, you guessed it, the Wei base! Everyone saw Lu Xun sneak away, but this time they wanted to follow him unnoticed. So they crept slowly behind him at the same pace he went. Lu Xun's eyes welled up with tears, "I think I finally did it! But I cannot cry, tears are watery. and water is no good!" Lu Xun spoke to himself. He then hissed at the thought of water. Satisfied with himself, he boldly walked right up to the Wei base, not bothering with being worried about being caught.  
  
Zhou Yu and the girls secretly snuck to a bush right next to the entrance of the Wei base, right where Lu Xun was headed. Their plan: to pounce just before he makes the fire appear. It had to be timed perfectly.  
  
At that perfect timing. 3 things happened. One: a group of men with a HUGE keg of gunpowder opened the door to carry the powder to a near-by battle. Two: Zhou Yu pounced to grab Lu Xun. The third and most fatal: Taishi Ci (I don't think I spelled his name right. and I'm too lazy to go turn the game on! Not that I really could, the brother and friends are watching a DVD. stupid, stupid heads!) and Lu Meng were secretly hidden to perform an ambush on the Wei base and didn't realize who it was jumping out of the bushes to attack Lu Xun. They were also unaware of what happened with Lu Xun because they had been sitting out there for the whole day, waiting for the right moment! So when they saw Lu Xun being "attacked," Lu Meng let out a signal for them to fire the poison darts.  
  
Luckily they were pretty bad shots with the darts and one only hit Zhou Yu lightly on the arm. It more or less just brushed against him. As soon as it hit him he froze, "Ack. the liquid flowing in my blood is so very very cold. like ice in your pants!" he then passed out. Xiao Qiao was about to jump up to finish the job but it was far too late. The flame was set and..  
  
BOOM  
  
They all flew back like birds in a tornado! Perhaps miles away there lay 4 beings. But one could muster the strength to get up. Xiao Qiao slowly opened her eyes and looked around. It seemed as though they had been there for quite a while because all the flames were out. Luckily most of the forest was still there and. well only one half was there because the other burned. How it was all put out, nobody knows. All Xiao knew was her head hurt and she felt well rested. She held her head as she got up.  
  
"Fragamuffins that smarts!" Xiao complained looking around. A few feet away she spotted Zhou Yu. "YU-BEAR!" she shrieked running up to him. He lay there. drooling and mumbling things to himself. "Onnnne potato two potato..four." Xiao rolled her eyes, "Some days its potatoes, others its eggs. sometimes its macaroni and cheese farts!" Her speaking caused Zhou Yu to stir a little and mumble some more, ".and then they made me their captain." Xiao Qiao rose and eyebrow and dismissed the idea. She decided she'd find where the others went, like Chi. She guessed it was probably already too late and Lu Xun was gone again. "I wish I could have laid a few more spankings on that rascals butt! He wouldn't be able to sit for weeks if I could get my hands on him now! And he'd hafta use one of those.. butt pillows! BWAHAHAHAHA!" Xiao Qiao began maniacally laughing.  
  
Then her eyes fell upon something she didn't expect. Lu Xun lay, limbs sprawled about sleeping on the crisped ground. On him was sleeping a little Chihouri, drooling all over his chest and her limbs also all over the place. Xiao Qiao smiled, "I can't believe it." she sighed. "That cute little tree lived!" Xiao cooed running up to a small little tree with bright green leaves.  
  
In the corner of her eye she saw Zhou Yu waking. She squealed in delight and ran over to him. "It's a miracle!" she chimed. Zhou Yu smiled and outstretched his arms for a hug. Xiao Qiao ran towards him. then right past him, "This one lived too!" Zhou Yu put his arms down and frowned. "Oh Xiao- ow." he called. Xiao Qiao turned around and saw him awake. She squealed even louder this time and practically tackled a cute little squirrel sitting on the ground munching a nut. It scrambled away and Xiao Qiao frowned.  
  
"XIAO!" Zhou Yu shouted. This time it was in fact Zhou Yu that she saw. She smiled warmly, "Today is filled with miracles!" she jumped on Zhou Yu this time and hugged him tight. Zhou Yu smiled lovingly at her and hugged her back. While they were sitting there, Zhou Yu spotted Chi and Lu Xun himself. He smiled again, "No more chasing for us. well besides when we hafta chase Sun Quan around to get him to wear his depends." Xiao nodded, "Yea, he might as well be older than his father too!" Zhou Yu was about to say something but decided against it. Everyone could just go on and think Sun Quan's the oldest. Hell, they can even believe Sun Quan is all their fathers'!  
  
The couple finally parted and got up. "You carry Chi and I'll carry the 'prince,'" Zhou Yu suggested. Xiao Qiao gave him a sour look, "What is that supposed to mean? I can carry anyone just as heavy as you!" Xiao Qiao went off on a rant about how girls can do just as much as boys can etc. etc. "I HAVE GIRL POWER, BOYEE!" she concluded doing the ghetto snap.  
  
Zhou Yu sighed, "Fine, you can carry Lu Xun if you want!" Xiao Qiao blinked a few times, "HECK NO!" she shouted grabbing Chi and walking off. Zhou Yu grinded his teeth as he picked up Lu Xun and they all headed back to the base. The search was over at last.  
  
*******************************************************  
  
"What do we do with Chi?" Xiao asked as they walked into their newly rebuilt base. Zhou looked down at her then down at Lu Xun then smirked. Xiao Qiao widened her eyes then smirked with her husband, "Ok!" she said taking the hint.  
  
So they carried the two to Lu Xun's room. They placed them both on Lu Xun's bed and tucked them in nicely. They placed Chi on Lu Xun the same way she was on Lu Xun before. "It'll be a funny surprise when he wakes up to see that little face!" Xiao Qiao snickered. She knew Lu Xun would probably be better after all that. Even if he wasn't, they were sure he'd give up on the prince thing anyway after that!  
  
Asleep they remained for a few hours and Lu Xun finally began to wake up. At first his eyes only opened halfway. but then when he laid his eyes on a certain Chi, his eyes not only fully opened, but they opened larger than normal! He gasped and accidentally jumped a little. That little shake caused Chi to wake and she rolled over. Now as I said in the very first chapter (*eyes well up with tears* that was so long ago!) Lu Xun had a bunk bed and nearly fell off that first time. So in rolling over she nearly fell off. but because a certain 17-year-old had quick reflexes, she was caught.  
  
Her heart stopped for a good millisecond as Lu Xun pulled her up, "Are you alright?" he asked in his normal, sweet voice. "Thank you Master!" Chi said after panting a little. Lu Xun scrunched up his eyebrows, "Master? Why do you say that?" Lu Xun asked in an innocent of voice as Chi. Chi looked at him in wonder. "What?" she questioned very confused. She got up in his face and examined him. Their faces were a mere 2 inches away and Chi was leaning on Lu Xun's chest and he turned a nice shade of red.  
  
"Er. umm. child, what are.. You?" he stammered. She looked his face up and down and smiled, "That's not your old face!" she squealed in delight! "Now your not some silly stupid head! And you are not master, you're Xun! Lu Xun!" she would have danced but. well you know, she was on a bed that was up pretty high. "I think I will do it now!" she said with meaningful seductiveness.  
  
Lu Xun's ears couldn't get any redder, neither could his face as Chi leaned over and went to really kiss Lu Xun this time. (I'm sorry about the romance crap, it just fits, and it'll get funny again. again) Lu Xun froze there. He didn't even remember who this kid was and she was already moving so fast! Because Lu Xun couldn't even move, it was easy for Chi to lay a kiss on him.  
  
At that moment Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao walked in the room to see if everything was ok. They slowly opened the door trying not to make any sounds just in case they were still sleeping and got quite the site. "Holy bejesus!" Xiao nearly yelled, but Zhou Yu put his hand over her mouth. He put his finger against his lips, "Shhh." he scolded her quietly. Xiao nodded. They watched as Chihouri kissed him and never parted. Lu Xun got a little used to it and found himself not really minding anymore. After all, she was just a kid and it meant nothing. At least he hoped so. When Chi finally finished she smiled at him blushing herself. She then hurriedly crawled away and down off the bunk bed. She ran out the room and left Lu Xun confused there.  
  
Xiao Qiao and Zhou Yu luckily weren't spotted because they hid in another room and watched through a crack they made in the door. When they were sure that Chihouri was gone, they made their way out of the room and into Lu Xun's. They opened the door and saw Lu Xun sitting in his bed, gripping the sheets. It was true, he looked physically friendlier. The duo smiled in relief. Definatly no more chasing!  
  
"Hey, Lu Xun. are you.?" Xiao Qiao asked slowly walking backwards towards the door just in case. "Hmm?" Lu Xun said not moving a bit. Xiao nodded, "Yup, he's back to normal. God am I glad that's over, I really had to use the bathroom that whole time!" Zhou Yu looked down at Xiao Qiao. "You still haven't gone yet. you've been with me." Xiao Qiao thought it over, "You know what? You're right!" she said with a smile. Zhou Yu raised a brow. "Then?" Xiao's eye twitched, "I GOTTA GO!" she said scrambling towards the bathroom. Zhou Yu sighed.  
  
"I had the strangest dream before I woke up. some girl came in my room and kissed me. and before that I went nuts. What a strange night." Lu Xun explained. Zhou Yu coughed, "Um. none of that was a dream. and you really did blow up the Wei base. and set Xiao and me on fire multiple times. along with others." Lu Xun paled. "What am I gonna do?" he whimpered.  
  
"Don't worry, we locked Sun Quan in the cell until the foam stopped coming out of his mouth," Zhou Yu told Lu Xun. If it were possible, Lu Xun paled more. "As I said, don't worry, he'll be in there until he understands and calms down. and what WAS with that kiss?" Zhou Yu asked merely out of curiosity.  
  
Lu Xun turned red again and pulled off his hat to itch his head. "I dunno. who was that- it was THAT girl! That girl from my. well what I thought was a dream! I feel kinda bad about what I did now." Zhou Yu folded his arms, "You better! We had a hell of a time catching you! They had to keep ME in the cell for a while!" Zhou Yu said with a crazy look in his eye. Lu Xun pulled his covers up. Zhou Yu then smiled, "Don't worry. Xiao Qiao gave me these control pill things. just be careful when they wear off!" Zhou Yu said with a grin as he walked out of the room.  
  
Lu Xun sat there taking everything in. "That was weird," was all he managed to get out before he realized there was a lump at the end of his covers. Lu Xun leaned closer to see what it was when it suddenly became alive! He crawled up through the covers (on him, mind you) and latched onto him. "Do you still wanna marry me, silly?" Chihouri asked with a giggle. Lu Xun rubbed the back of his head, "Marry..?"  
  
"Well if you're not going to marry me after that, then the least you could do is let me stay here! And I'm hungry!" Chi complained.  
  
"What is your name?" Lu Xun asked feeling a little more comfortable with the child.  
  
"Chihouri, Chi for short!" she said giggling again. Lu Xun smiled. "That's a pretty name, Chihouri," Lu Xun complimented. Chi nodded, "Now get up, silly!" Lu Xun nodded and they both climbed off the bunk to go get their breakfast.  
  
"I take it you won't carry me anymore?" Chi asked with disappointment clearly in her voice.  
  
Lu Xun gave a smirk, "I don't know about that!" he grabbed her by the ankle and ran to the kitchen.  
  
"AHHH! LET ME GO!" Chi hollered.  
  
And they ate a big breakfast of potatoes, eggs, and macaroni and cheese farts (sound familiar?).  
  
THE END!  
  
Yes, that's it! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Remember, as old as this fanfic grows, I still love reviews! And oh yea, I only got ONE review for this fic to be put up, so I waited a while then decided, what the heck. so yea, HAVE A NICE DAY! ^.^ 


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